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| Posted by greenmachine on 14-Aug-2005 | Never Went HuntingCity-boy Todd went to visit his friend Tom in the country. "You
look pale," Tom said. "You need some sun. Why don't you take my
rifle and my two Retrievers and go do some hunting?" Todd had
never hunted before, but decided to do as his friend suggested.
Fifteen minutes later, he was back. "That was fun!" Todd gushed.
"So why'd you come back?" Tom asked. "I need more dogs to hunt,"
Todd said.
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| Posted by Stalker on 14-Aug-2005 | The Dancing DuckA circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around
a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down
pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so
impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After
some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck
and the pot.
Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger,
"Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole
audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the
ducks' former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under
the pot?"
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| Posted by Elusive Honey on 14-Aug-2005 | Unruly ParrotOnce there was a man who had a parrot who said nothing but,
"Polly wanna cracker." The man got tired of hearing this from
his pet so one day he let his parrot go and told it to go learn
some new words and not to come back until he had.
So the parrot began his journey and the first place that he saw
was a mechanics body shop, so the parrot flew into the garage
and he heard the mechanic say, "Man, it is hot as hell in
here!!" So the parrot continued on his trip and kept repeating,
"Man it is hot as hell in here!!"
The next place the parrot flew by was a baseball stadium, and he
heard someone yell, "Let it fly!" So the parrot continued on his
journey saying, "let it fly, let it fly!"
The next day the parrot flew over a farm and he overheard a
farmer telling his workhand to look at that cow lying over in
the pasture. The farmer told his farmhand, "Go over there and
kick that ol' bitch and see if she is alive." So the parrot went
around saying that as well.
On the way back to his home the parrot stopped by a church to
see what was going on. Once he entered the church, the parrot
loudly said, "Man, it is hot as hell in here." The preacher
immediatly stopped preaching, turned around and said, "You hush
your mouth or I will throw the good book at you." So the parrot
proudly reiterated, "Let it fly, let it fly." About that time,
the big fat lady that was playing the piano fainted and hit the
floor very hard. "Go over there and kick that ol' bitch and see
if she is alive." shouted the parrot.
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| Posted by Laxori Shiin on 14-Aug-2005 | Wish I could do thatTwo guys are walking along when they come upon a dog that is sitting and
licking his balls. The first guy says, "Boy I wish I could do that!" The
second guy replies, "Go and pet him, maybe he will let you!"
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| Posted by Adam on 14-Aug-2005 | Beware of Dog!As a man walks into store, he noticed a sign on the door,
"BEWARE OF DOG". He cautiously walks into the store. Lying in
the middle of the floor was an old German Shepard. He asks the
clerk behind the register, "Is THAT the dog the sign is talking
about?!" The clerk replies, "Yes, before we put up the sign
people kept tripping over him!"
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| Posted by Megan S. Renner on 14-Aug-2005 | The BetThis guy walked into a bar. After sitting at the bar he saw a
$1,000 dollar bill in a frame above the bar. He asked the
bartender "What is the $1,000 dollar bill for?" The bartender
said "It's for a bet. Do you see that 300 pound man over there?"
"Yes" said the man. "You have to go over to the man and beat the
crap out of him. Then you have to go through that door, down the
stairs and there's a pitbull down there with a bad tooth. You
have to pull the tooth. Then when you are done you have to go up
them stairs over in the corner and theres a fat lady up there.
You have to have sex with her until she's satisfied. The guy
says, "That's ok, I'm going to go sit down. Just keep bringing
the beer." After a while of drinking beer and getting
intoxicated the guy came back to the bartender, "I'll take that
bet. What do I do first?"
"Remember the guy......"
"Yes I remember." So he walked over to the guy and beat the crap
out of him. He walked back to the bartender and said give me a
beer.
After drinking the beer he looked at the bartender and the
bartender pointed towards the door. He stumbled over to the door
and opened it. He tried walking down the stairs and fell to the
bottom. A lot of growling was heard then you heard YIPE YIPE
YIPE YIPE.... The guy came back to the top of the stairs and
yelled to the bartender, "Where's that fat bitch with the bad
tooth?!"
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