|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by dontrell on 09-Aug-2005 | New driver's licenseMartin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.
"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," says the beaming boy to his father.
"Nope," comes dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
|
4 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Asheesh Joshi on 09-Aug-2005 | Two Sea MonstersTwo sea monsters were swimming around in the ocean, looking for something to do.
They came up underneath a ship that was hauling potatoes.
Bob, the first sea monster, swam underneath the ship, tipped it over and ate everything on the ship.
A little while later, they came up to another ship, again hauling potatoes.
Bob again capsizes the ship and eats everything onboard.
The third ship they found was also hauling potatoes and Bob once again capsized it and ate everything.
Finally his buddy Bill asked him, "Why do you keep tipping over those ships full of potatoes and eating everything on board?"
Bob replied, "I wish I hadn't, but I just can't help myself once I start. Everyone knows you can't eat just one potato ship."
Submitted by Muffin_007
Edited by Curtis
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Megan S. Renner on 14-Aug-2005 | Handy Arab PhrasesUseful Phrases To Know When Traveling Through Arab Countries:
AKBAR KHALI-KILI HAFTIR LOFTAN. Thank you for showing me your marvelous
gun.
FEKR GABUL GARDAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR. I am delighted to accept your
kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head and my
legs apart
SHOMAEH FEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE. I agree with everything you have
ever said or thought in your life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAHEH-HAST. It is exceptionally kind of you
to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYE MOHEMARA
JEBEHKESHVAREHMAN. If you will do me the kindness of not harming my
genital appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in
public.
KHREL, JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRIKAHEY. I will tell you the names and
addresses of many American spies traveling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI! Whatever you say!
MATERNIER GHERMEZ AHLIEH, GHORBAN. The red blindfold would be lovely, your
excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELLEH BEZORG VA KHRUBE BOYAST INO BEGERAM. The
water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must have the recipe.
|
4 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by GoofyGirl on 09-Aug-2005 | Old man drivingAn old man was driving down the Interstate at 22 miles per hour, never going faster or slower.
A police officer noticed and followed him for a while, then pulled him over.
Before the officer could even get to the car, the man was saying, 'I was not speeding, the speed limit is 22 miles per hour and that is exactly what I was doing, I was not speeding.'
The police officer said, 'I didn't pull you over for speeding, I pulled you over for going too slow.'
'But the sign says 22.'
The officer explained that he was on Interstate 22.
As the man shook his head, the officer noticed that there were three older ladies in the back of the car.
All of them were sitting with their mouths hanging open and spit drooling down the side. Their faces were very white and their hair was completely messy.
The police officer leaned toward the man and asked, 'What's wrong with them?'
'Well, we just came off Interstate 134.'
|
2 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Joe Mama on 14-Aug-2005 | OrangeWhy did the orange go to Yukon?
Beacause Florida was too hot and had a hurricane!
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Dazza on 09-Aug-2005 | Haircut before a tripA man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
"It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me."
"Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"
He said, "Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
|
3 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
