Funny quotes

Funny quotes
http://www.jokesnquotes.com/ - Funny quotes
  Categories

funny quotes

animal jokes

bar jokes

holiday jokes

travel & vacation jokes

sport jokes

other funny jokes

signs of our times

nerd jokes

just do it

funny laws

funny definitions

blind jokes

funny bumper stickers

crazy jokes

food jokes

funny ads

little johnny

school humor

top list jokes

funny thoughts



Navigation:

· jokes and quotes
· Add joke
· New jokes
· Last 5 jokes
· Best jokes
· Search jokes
  Service menu

· Freedback
· Recommend Us
· Subscription

  Our friends

There isn't content right now for this block.

():nerd jokes (650): New Hoax


Posted by Tim Brand on 14-Aug-2005

New Hoax

I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important.

Please send this to everyone.

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey
and asks you to show him your ass, DO NOT show him your ass. This a
SCAM! He only wants to see your ass. I wish I'd gotten this
yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap!


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): mother of all old jokes


Posted by Jackson Relter on 13-Aug-2005

mother of all old jokes

A new prisoner walking into prison for the first time was heading towards his cell, when someone called out ''15''. and quite a few men started laughing. The new prisoner thought to himself they aren't too smart I am older than 15, walking out on further someone called out ''24'' and place just went wild with all the guys laughing so hard.

So the prisoner walks on thinking these guys really don't know how old I am....when someone yelled out ''35'' and the place just went ballistic. Finally the prisoner made it too his cell and asked his new roomie what the calling of numbers meant.

''Well'' said the roomie ''we have all been here so long, and have heard the same jokes so many times that we have just numbered the jokes.''

''Hmm mind if I give it a try?'' said the newbie.

Newbie steps up to the bars and yells ''27'' and it is quiet. newbie looks around and yells ''31'' and again quiet and finally he yells ''46'' and again quiet. newbie steps back and turns to his roomie and says ''I don't understand, no one laughed at all.''

''Well kid'' said the roomie, ''Some people can tell a joke and some can't.''


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Chip bags


Posted by Eddie P. Yeti on 13-Aug-2005

Chip bags

An Irishman goes into a chip shop and asks for a bag of chips. "what do you want, a 50 or 99 bag?" asked the woman. The Paddy replies, "If you are going to count them I'll have a bloody pie."


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Garn


Posted by jen on 13-Aug-2005

Garn

Words were the big topic of the million dollar television quiz show where Professor Geewhiz challenged the audience to stump him with a word he couldn't put into a sentence.

"Garn!" shouted a bloke in the third row.

"Garn?" said the professor, "Garn? It's not a swear word, is it?"

"No," said the punter in the third row, "Garn."

Time elapsed, the buzzer went and the crowd applauded.

"You've stumped him," said the MC, "How do you use the word, sir?"

"Garn get fucked," said the punter who was immediately thrown out and the show closed until further notice.

It took the network twelve months to get over it. Finally they had the gumption to start it up again with the proviso that they would have to screen the audience in future.

On the opening night they scrutinized each member of the public as they arrived before asking for the first word.

A man is the third row wearing a vicar's collar a beard put his hand up. "Smee," he said.

"Smee?" said the professor, "Smee?" The seconds ticked away and he was forced to concede on the very first word.

After the applause had died down the MC asked the punter, how do you use the word?"

The punter stood up, pulled his false beard off and said, "Smee again - Garn get fucked!"


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Jumping for fun


Posted by Adam on 13-Aug-2005
Jumping for fun
one day a man was jumping on a manhole cover and yelling 31! 31! 31! another guy came up to him and said "what are you doing? you look like a complete ass!" the guy that was jumping replied "it's a game, you wanna try? it's actually pretty fun." so the guy get son the manhole cover and starts hopping up and down saying 31 31 31 31.

the first guy said "no no no! your doing it wrong, you have to jump higher and yell louder"

so the guy jumps up and yells 31! and as soon as he does that, the first guy pulls the manhole cover out from under him and makes him fall down the hole. He then puts the manhole cover back on, gets on it again and resumes jumping and yelling 32! 32! 32! 32!


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Tickle-Me-Elmo


Posted by Justin Collingwood on 13-Aug-2005
Tickle-Me-Elmo
A woman, desperate for work, applies for a job. The manager goes over her impressive resume but explains that they have nothing worthy of her background. The distraught woman pleads she will take anything. The manager is sympathetic. She is offered a low-skilled job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo assembly line.

Her duties are explained and she is to start the next day. Not even an hour into her first day on the job, there's a frantic knock on the manager's door. The foreman is crazed and drags the manager to the assembly line. Sure enough, things are a royal mess. Elmos are piling up everywhere. At the end of the line is the new worker. She has a bolt of fabric and a large box of marbles. They are both stunned. They watch as she fashions a small bag, inserts two marbles and sews it between Elmo's legs.

Eventually the manager understands what has happened. "Dear woman you misunderstood me yesterday. I just want you to give each Elmo two test tickles."


   

0 people have rated this joke:
0.00/10
     

Jokes search
Input keyword:



Adversting