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():nerd jokes (650): New Hoax


Posted by Tim Brand on 14-Aug-2005

New Hoax

I hate hoax warnings, but this one is important.

Please send this to everyone.

If a man comes to your front door and says he is conducting a survey
and asks you to show him your ass, DO NOT show him your ass. This a
SCAM! He only wants to see your ass. I wish I'd gotten this
yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap!


   

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():nerd jokes (650): The Rabbi in Nidland (pretty silly)


Posted by Katie P. Kromwell on 13-Aug-2005

The Rabbi in Nidland (pretty silly)

In a village a long time ago there lived a people called Nids, they were midgets. Every day the Nids went into the fields to farm. But every day a giant would wander though the fields kicking the Nids. So, one day the Nids finally got fed up and went to the town Rabbi for advice. The Rabbi said not to worry and that he'd handle it.

So, one day the Rabbi went into the fields dressed as a Nid. Eventually, the giant showed up for his usual routine of kicking the Nids. But when the giant reached the Rabbi he just stepped over him and continued along his way. The Rabbi wondered about this and chased after the giant and yelled, "Hey! I'm a Nid! Why didn't you kick me?" The giant simply replied, "Silly Rabbi! Kicks are for Nids!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Ice Fishing


Posted by Jenna M. Glickman on 13-Aug-2005

Ice Fishing

Ralph and Brian decide to go ice fishing.

"This looks like a good spot Brian!" Said Ralph. So they stopped, and put there stuff up.

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said a voice from up above...he looked up in amazement.

"Well Brian I guess I was wrong. Lets check over there." He silently thanked the man for telling them...he would have wasted all the time!!! But once he reached the next spot the voice said again

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE."

"Well... lets try over here." They gathered their things and went over to another place.

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Said the voice again. Ralph looked up but saw only what he expected.

"Hmm....ok thanks!" He screamed, and moved on. But again....the voice said

"THERE ARE NO FISH THERE." Ralph wondered for a second. Then he said

"Are you God?" He asked.

"NO I OWN THE SKATING RINK.....THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!!!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Tickle-Me-Elmo


Posted by Justin Collingwood on 13-Aug-2005

Tickle-Me-Elmo

A woman, desperate for work, applies for a job. The manager goes over her impressive resume but explains that they have nothing worthy of her background. The distraught woman pleads she will take anything. The manager is sympathetic. She is offered a low-skilled job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo assembly line.

Her duties are explained and she is to start the next day. Not even an hour into her first day on the job, there's a frantic knock on the manager's door. The foreman is crazed and drags the manager to the assembly line. Sure enough, things are a royal mess. Elmos are piling up everywhere. At the end of the line is the new worker. She has a bolt of fabric and a large box of marbles. They are both stunned. They watch as she fashions a small bag, inserts two marbles and sews it between Elmo's legs.

Eventually the manager understands what has happened. "Dear woman you misunderstood me yesterday. I just want you to give each Elmo two test tickles."


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Claiming your deer


Posted by SpOrTy PiNaY on 13-Aug-2005
Claiming your deer
A man takes his wife hunting, and impresses on her again and again that "Ify ou shoot a deer, don't let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it... it's *their* deer!" So... he's in his stand hardly for 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby.

He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming... "It's your deer, lady... It's your deer... Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!"


   

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():nerd jokes (650): Calculating statistics of injury


Posted by Eastieboy on 13-Aug-2005
Calculating statistics of injury
A man (If you like, a blond) who often travels by plane calculates the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight. It's low, but not low enough, so the man always carries a bomb in his suitcase knowing that he'll be safe.

After all, the odds of two bombs on a flight are almost impossible!

------
BONUS JOKE VARIATION!!!

A man went to a hunting shop and asked if he could buy one bullet. The clerk thought for a second and said, sure, why not. The man gets his bullet and takes out a pen and meticulously inscribes his name on the bullet.

The clerk, watching this says, "hey buddy, why'd you write on your bullet?"

"Well, they say there's a bullet out there with my name on it, so I figured I'd better keep track of it!"


   

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