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| Posted by Cuto on 14-Aug-2005 | New Label Instructions!
Actual Label Instructions
On can of wet cat food:
This is not for humans!
On a Kennmore washing machine box:
Take clothes off before washing
( Dang! Kids get out of the washer! )
On a tube of toothpaste:
Best results if used on teeth.
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| Posted by XiA0bAbY on 14-Aug-2005 | No CanoeThree men get captured by cannibals on a tropical island. Before
they are stripped of their skin to make canoes out of, they are
given their choice of how to kill themselves. The first wishes
to die quickly and painlessly, and shoots himself in the head.
The second chooses to die slowly and somewhat euphoricly by
drowning, and subsequently immerses himself in the lagoon until
dead. The third, asks the tribal chief for a fork, and proceeds
to stab himself repeatedly all over. When the tribal chief askes
why he has chosen such a painful and masochistic form of death,
the condemned man replies, "There's no way you're making a
fucking canoe out of me!"
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| Posted by Chris S. Porter on 14-Aug-2005 | new carpetsA family was renevating their house and was having new carpet
put in. After the carpet was put in, the workers realized there
was a large lump in the carpet. "It must have been my
cigarettes" said one of the workers. The second took a large
hammer and pounded it down until the lump was gone. Just then,
the wife walked in and said "I found some cigarettes in the
kitchen are they yours? By the way, have you seen my son's
hamster?"
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| Posted by Serena Zold on 14-Aug-2005 | Lunch Anyone??There was a japanese,hawaiian,and portugese men. They were all
working on a building when the lunch bell rung. All three men
sit down and open their lunch boxes.
The japanese man opens his lunch box and says Ah..man if I get
spam musubi again I am going to jump of this building.
The hawaiian man opens his lunch box and says ah..man if I get
lau lau again I am going to jump of this building.
The portugese man opens his lunchbox and says Ah.. man if I get
a tuna sandwich again I'll jump of the building.
The next day while the three men were working on the building
the lunch bell rang. They all sit down and open their lunch
boxes.
The japanese man says yes I did not get the same thing for lunch
I won't jump of the building.
The hawaiian man says all right I didn't get the same thing for
lunch,now I don't have to jump of the building.
The portugese man holds up a tuna sandwitch from his lunch box,
then he jumps of the building.
The hawaiian man was laughing then the japanese man asks why he
was laughing.
The japanese man says I don't get it, he makes his own lunch.
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| Posted by Maarten Vaes on 14-Aug-2005 | How to keep an Idiot busyHow to keep an idiot busy {Scroll down}
How to keep an idiot busy {Scroll up}
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| Posted by Eddie P. Yeti on 14-Aug-2005 | Dream InterpretationsMany scientists have dedicated their lives to one subject that
confuses many of us: What our dreams really mean. However, a
group of Swedish scientists recently found a way to tailor what
our dreams mean to our sex. Yes, if a man dreams about flying
sandwiches, it means something different than a woman dreaming
about flying sandwiches. With that said, here is their list of
what our dreams mean:
If you're a woman:
Flying sandwiches: You have too much stress in your life and are
headed for a nervous breakdown
Kings: You are allowing the most important man in your life to
rule over you, and you need to break free and gain some
independance
Caged birds: You must break free from an oppressive job that
constricts all other aspects of your life
The color green: Your sex life is suffering
Wilting ivy: Someone important to you is near death
Having a twin: You have two personalities that you display
around completely different groups of people
A man being killed from behind: Your conscience is eating away
at you for turning your back on a friend in need
Divorce: A split from an important object will change the way
you live your life
And if you're a man:
You dream: You crave more sex
You don't dream: You crave more sex
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