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| Posted by Salma DeLuna on 09-Aug-2005 | New PopemobilePope Benedict has moved into the Vatican apartment once used by John Paul.
A German pope will be different from anything we've seen.
To begin with, the new popemobile will have a top speed of one hundred ninety miles an hour on the Autobahn.
-Argus Hamilton
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| Posted by ~Stephy~ on 09-Aug-2005 | TorpedoDuring World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable.
So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at least they would die laughing.
The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"
The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out and whammed it on the table.
Just when the dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.
As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The navigator told him.
The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"
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| Posted by Rob L. Matthews on 09-Aug-2005 | Arguing about the signA man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.
What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.
Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?
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| Posted by Katie Hersberger on 09-Aug-2005 | Clever news reporterA car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.
Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim."
The crowd made way for him.
Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
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| Posted by TAISHA on 09-Aug-2005 | Where is this place?A man and his wife were driving their Recreational Vehicle across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
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| Posted by Amanda E. Brooke on 09-Aug-2005 | After a bad accidentPatient: I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here? Doctor: You've had an accident involving a train.
Patient: What happened?
Doctor: Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?
Patient: Well... The bad news first...
Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.
Patient: That's terrible! What's the good news?
Doctor: There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.
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