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Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's 'Cheers')

Norm Peterson's Famous Quotes (from TV's 'Cheers')
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'Can I draw you a beer, Norm ?'
'No, I know what they look like. Just pour me one.'

'How's a beer sound, Norm?'
'I dunno. I usually finish them before they get a word in.'

'What's shaking, Norm?'
'All four cheeks and a couple of chins.'

'What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?'
'Going Down?'

'What's new, Normie?'
'Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're
demanding beer.'

'What'll it be, Normie?'
'Just the usual, Coach. I'll have a froth of beer and a snorkel.'

'What would you say to a beer, Normie?'
'Daddy wuvs you.'

'What'd you like, Normie?'
'A reason to live. Give me another beer.'

'What'll you have, Normie?'
'Well, I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy. I'll take a
glass of whatever comes out of that tap.'
'Looks like beer, Norm.'
'Call me Mister Lucky.'

'What'd you say, Norm?'
'Any cheap, tawdry thing that will get me a beer.'

'What would you say to a beer, Norm?'
'Hiya, sailor. New in town?'

(Coming in from the rain)
'Evening, everybody.'
Everybody: 'Norm!'
'Still pouring, Norm?'
'That's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing.'

'Whaddya say, Norm?'
'Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.'

'Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?'
'Like a baby treats a diaper.'

'Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass.'

'How's life treating you?'
'It's not, Sammy, but you can.'

'What's the story, Mr. Peterson?'
'The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy
ending.'

'Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you.'
'I know. If she calls, I'm not here.'

'Beer, Norm?'
'Have I gotten that predictable? Good.'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.''

'Hey Mr. Peterson, Jack Frost nipping at your nose?'
'Yep, now let's get Joe Beer nipping at my liver, huh?'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'Another layer for the winter, Wood.'

'Whatcha up to, Norm?'
'My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall.'

'How's it going, Mr. Peterson?'
'Poor.'
'I'm sorry to hear that.'
'No, I mean pour.'

'How's life treating you Norm?'
'Like it caught me sleeping with its wife.'

'Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts.'

'What's going down, Normie?'
'My butt cheeks on that bar stool.'

'Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty.'

'How's it going, Mr. Peterson?'
'It's a dog eat dog world, Woody, and I'm wearing
Milk Bone underwear.'

'What's the story, Norm?'
'Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer.'

'How's about a beer, Norm?'
'That's that amber sudsy stuff, right?
I've heard good things about it!'

'What's going on, Mr. Peterson?'
'The question is 'what's going in, Mr. Peterson?'
A beer please, Woody.'

'Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?'
'A little early isn't it, Woody?'
'For a beer?'
'No, for stupid questions.'

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():funny quotes (263): Steven Wrigth Quotes 3

Posted by nick g on 14-Aug-2005

Steven Wrigth Quotes 3

- When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a
great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people
ask me if I'm leaving.

- Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came
back the entire area was missing.

- It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

- I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said,
"Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know where
sleep is." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of
tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and
just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and
she said, "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

- I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because
that means it's going to be up all night.

- When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you
sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

- Earlier today I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept
wandering.

- One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in
somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were showing up on TV's all
over the world.

- My girlfriend does her nails with whiteout. When she's asleep,
I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

- I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called
Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't
find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they
were!

- I went into this bar and sat down next to a pretty girl. She
looked at me and said, "Hey, you have two different colored
socks on." I said, "Yeah, I know, but to me they're the same
because I go by thickness."

- I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. You turn on
the record, put the headphones on and learn Spanish in your
sleep; during the night the record got stuck. The next day I
could only stutter in Spanish.

- Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

- Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a
dotted line. He caught every other fish.

- There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore
looking like an idiot.

- I bought a dog the other day, he_s really smart!...I named him
Stay. It's fun to call him... "Come here, Stay! Come here,
Stay!" Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little
pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around
in circles.

- The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on
the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid
of widths.

- A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a workstation...go figure

- If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

- If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came
up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

- Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

- What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald
men?

- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans.

- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole
lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me they were
cramming for their finals.

- I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny
spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use...
Toothpicks?

- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do_ write to these men? Why don't they
just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen
could look for them while they delivered the mail?

- How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

- If it's true that we are here to help others, then what
exactly are the OTHERS here for?

- Clones are people two.

- If a man says something in the woods and there are no women
there, is he still wrong?

- If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

- Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't
zigzag?

- Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

- If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is
that considered a hostage situation?

- If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

- I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd
be gone. I said, "The whole time."

- So what's the speed of dark?

- How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who
has been dissing them anyhow?

- After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before
getting OUT of the water?

- If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it
in?

- I just got skylights put in my apartment. The people who live
above me are furious.

8 people have rated this joke:

5.63/10


	():funny quotes (263): Coffee Quote

Posted by Silly One on 13-Aug-2005

Coffee Quote

"It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity."

-- Dave Barry

11 people have rated this joke:

5.55/10