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| Posted by Micah Bluming on 10-Aug-2005 | Nothing yetQ: What do Bin Laden and Hiroshima have in common?
A: Nothing, yet.
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| Posted by deta H. van Hees on 10-Aug-2005 | Class pictureA teacher had been after her pupils to bring in their 2 dollars for the class
picture.
Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the class and said,
"Class, think how much you're going to treasure this picture 25 years from now.
You will pull it out and say, 'There's my friend, Julie. She's a lawyer now.
There's my friend Robert. He's a doctor'"
Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, "And there's my teacher.
She's dead."
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| Posted by Tanya N. Boyce on 10-Aug-2005 | Don't know s***Two strangers are sitting in adjacent seats in airplane. One guy says to the
other, "Let??™s talk. I hear that the flight will go faster if you strike up a
conversation with your fellow passenger."
The other guy, who had just opened a good book, closes it slowly, takes off
his glasses and asks, "What would you like to discuss?"
The first guy says, "oh, I don't know; how about nuclear power?"
The other guy says, "Ok, that could make for some pretty interesting
conversation. But let me ask you a question first:
A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff, but the deer excretes
pellets; the cow, big patties; and the horse, clumps of dried grass. Why is
that?"
The first guy says, "I don't know."
The other guy says, "Oh? Well then, do you really think you're qualified to
discuss nuclear power when you don't know s***?"
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| Posted by Freak in snow on 10-Aug-2005 | PharmicistA college couple had been dating for about 6 months. One day in the cafeteria
they are having lunch. After beating around the bush for a few minutes, the
boyfriend expresses that he's interested in going "all the way". The girlfriend
excalaims that she has been wanting to also but was unsure on how to address the
issue. After several more minutes of small talk, the girlfriend says she is
willing to finally consumate their relationship, but that the boyfriend must
first meet her parents and bring protection. He agrees and accepts her
invitation to dinner at her house that evening. The boyfriend proceeds directly
to the pharmacy after his last class and walks directly to the condom aisle.
Upon reaching said aisle, he is quickly overwhelmed by the seemingly endless
variety and begins to scratch his head in indecision. Seeing this from behind
the counter, the Pharmacist proceeds the boyfriends location and asks him of his
quandry. After a moment of verbal stammering, he explains to the pharmicist that
it's his first time buying condoms and he's not sure what kind to buy, but that
he needs a lot of them as he and she are going to make a marathon night of it.
The pharmicist chuckles, hands him a "bonus pack" of the most popular brand, and
sends the boyfriend on his way. A few hours pass as the boyfriend feverishly
prepares for the night he's hoping will make him into a man. Finally the moment
of truth arrives as he arrives at his quarrys abode, with not a hair out of
place and a bilfold full of condoms, he nervously rings the doorbell. After what
seems a small eternity, his girlfriend answers the door and with a passionate
kiss invites him throught the portal. He graciously accepts and enters to meet
her parents waiting in the foyer. Gretting are extended before all are ushered
into the formal dining room for the evening meal. Upon sitting down, the
girlfriend invites her extremely nervous and uncomfortable boyfriend to say
Grace before dinner is served. The boyfriend eagerly accepts and commences with
the longest, most religious, heartfelt prayer in all of history. At the end of
the prayer, the girlfriend exclaims "I had no idea you were so religious". The
boyfriend sweating from his labor exlaims in turn "I had no idea your father was
a pharmicist"!
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| Posted by Mike A. Rotch on 10-Aug-2005 | Barely graduatedOne day 2 guys who had just BARELY graduated highschool decided to go to
college. Now, these boys weren't too bright but they had a lot of money. So they
go to the counselors office to see what classes they have to take before they
take the classes they wanted. The counselor only lets one of them in and the
other has to wait outside. So one of the boys goes in, and the counselor says,
well your first classes have to be math, reading, and logic. The boy says
"Logic, whats logic?" The counselor gives him and example and she says "Well, do
you own a weedwacker?" the boy says "yeah" and then the counselor says, "well
then, i would think that since you own weedwacker then you must have a yard" the
boy impressed says "yeah" and the counselor says "and i would think that if you
own a yard, then you must own a house" the boy is amazed and says "yeah!" the
counselor continues "and if you own a house i would think that you are straight
and would want to have a wife one day" the boy says "Yeah!!!" so the boy signs
him and his friend up for classes and goes out to meet his friend. His friend
says "well what do we have to take?" the boy says "we have to take math,
reading, and logic." his friend says "Logic? whats logic?" and the boy says "Do
you own a weedwacker?" his friend says "no" and the boy goes...
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| Posted by Tracy Leigh on 10-Aug-2005 | Other handThe college professor had just finished explaining an important research
project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement
for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for
being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the
student's immediate family.
A smart-alec student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke
up. "But, what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect,
the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the
professor froze the young man with a glaring look.
"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your
other hand."
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