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| Posted by Erik D on 09-Aug-2005 | Notice from the NotiNOTICE:
PLEASE NOTICE!!!!!
You may have noticed the increased amount of notices for you to notice. And, we have noticed that some of our notices have not been noticed. This is very noticeable.
It has been noticed that the responses to the notices have been noticeably unnoticeable. Therefore, this notice is to remind you to notice the notices and to respond to the notices because we do not want the notices to go unnoticed.
From the Notice Committee for Noticing Notices
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| Posted by MOS on 09-Aug-2005 | By My SideHer husband had been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side."
She just smiled and held his hand.
He then continued, saying "When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad luck."
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| Posted by nick on 09-Aug-2005 | Healthier LifeThe doctor had just completed his examination of the gorgeous red-haired beauty.
"I would suggest to you, young lady," began the medic, as he regained soma of his professional dignity, "that you discontinue some of your running around. Stop drinking so much, cut down on your smoking, and above all you will have to start eating properly and getting to bed early."
Then, as a pleasant afterthought, he added: "Why not have dinner with me tonight? I'll see to it that you have the proper food and that you'll be in bed by 9:00!"
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| Posted by Answering machine jokes on 09-Aug-2005 | Cure for SnoringA woman has a dog who snores in his sleep.
She goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles and he will stop snoring.
A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual.
Finally she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dog's testicles, and sure enough the dog stops snoring.
The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him.
She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husbands testicles.
Amazingly it also works on him.
The woman sleeps soundly.
The next morning the husband wakes up very hung over.
He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon attached to his dog's scrotum.
He looks at the dog and says, "Boy, I don't remember what the hell happened last night, but wherever you and I were, we got first and second place."
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| Posted by musicace on 09-Aug-2005 | Tough CowboyThree cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the tales kept getting bigger and bigger.
The cowboy from Australia says, I wrestled a 200 pound crocodile and may it cry like a baby.
The Cowboy from Brazil shakes his head and says, I killed a 400 pound steer with my bare hands.
The Cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring the campfire with his penis.
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| Posted by John R. Beard on 09-Aug-2005 | My Daddy...Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon... and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"|
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