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Old Lady With Gas

This old lady went to a doctor's office and told him that she has bad gas, but you can't smell it or hear it.

So the doctor gives her two pills and tells her take them and come back tomorrow.

She came back and said that you can't hear the gas but now you can smell it.

Then the doctor says, "Good now we can work on your hearing."

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	():other funny jokes (4827): Yo Mama's So Ugl

Posted by dove on 09-Aug-2005

Yo Mama's So Ugl

Yo' mama so ugly, she took a beauty nap and slipped into a coma!

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	():other funny jokes (4827): English Patient

Posted by karli on 09-Aug-2005

English Patient

An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

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	():other funny jokes (4827): Blonde Diet

Posted by Daniel Storey on 09-Aug-2005

Blonde Diet

There was blonde who wanted to go on a diet. She went to the doctor and asked for his advice. He said that she was going to go on a diet for three days -- “Eat anything and everything you want for the first two days of your diet. Then on the third day, skip.”
So the blonde went home and ate anything and everything she wanted for the first two days, then she skipped the third day. The next day she went back to the doctor and he asked her, “How is your diet?” She said, “Well, the first two days were easy but that third day was hard. Doing all that skipping made me tired.”

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	():other funny jokes (4827): Playing Doctor

Posted by Bugar on 09-Aug-2005

Playing Doctor

Two children are in a doctor's waiting room, and one of them is crying.

"Why are you crying?"

asked the other child.

"I'm here for a blood test, and they're going to cut my finger."

When he heard this, the other child started to cry.

"Why are you crying?"

"I'm here for a urine test."

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	():other funny jokes (4827): HMO in Heaven

Posted by Mr. HaHa on 09-Aug-2005

HMO in Heaven

An eye doctor, a heart surgeon and an HMO executive die and are in heaven. God asks the eye doctor why he should be let into heaven, and the doctor explains to God that he helped people save or regain their sight. God says, ''Welcome to heaven, my son.''

God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. ''I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,'' the doctor replies. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' God says.

God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. ''Welcome to heaven, my son,'' says God, ''but you have to leave in two days.''

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