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| Posted by Keith Mc Laughlin on 14-Aug-2005 | panda in pubA panda enters the pub and asks the barman for a pint and a blt.
The baramn serves him and carriess on with his job.
When the panda has finished his pint and his blt he gets up,
pulls out a gun and shoots dead the man playing the piano.
The panda is about the leave when the barman says "you can't
just leave, you have just shot my best piano player"
"Yes i can" says the panda. "you look panda up in the dictionary"
the barman is confused so he goes home and gets out his
dictionary. he looks up panda and there it says
"Panda - eats shoots and leaves"
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| Posted by Amanda L. Graves on 14-Aug-2005 | Hungry PetA woman walks into a pet store and tells the owner, "I'm looking
for something small and furry. I don't want a dog or a cat, I
really want something original, and something with a healthy
appetite."
The owner says, "I have just the pet for you." He goes into the
back and comes out with a small fuzzball.
"That's it?" the woman asks.
"Yep. It's called a fuzzball. It's cute, one-of-a-kind, and
eats a lot."
"Well, okay," the woman says. She bought the pet and went home.
Once there, she wasn't quite sure how to feed it, or even how it
ate. As an experiment, she put some meat on a dish and set it
beside the fuzzball.
"Uh... Fuzzball, food!" she said, and almost instantly, the
fuzzball rolled to the plate and gobbled up the food.
"Oh, this is easy!" she thought, and left a bowl of water for
her pet. "Fuzzball, water!" she said, and the fuzzball devoured
the water, bowl and all.
Later that day, the woman was tired and sat down on her couch.
She decided to find out how her pet was at cuddling.
"Fuzzball, couch!" she called, but the fuzzball came over and
ate the couch. The woman fell to the floor.
That evening, the woman's husband came home. Once he entered
the livingroom, he was shocked to see the couch missing.
"Honey!" he called, angrily. "What happened to the couch?!"
The woman answered, "The fuzzball ate it."
To which her husband replied, "Fuzzball, my ass!"
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| Posted by BlaineGurl on 14-Aug-2005 | 3 YearsA guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog
is wearing a Dallas Cowboys jersey and helmet, and is festooned
with Cowboy pom-poms. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are
allowed! You'll have to leave."
The guy begs him, "Look, I'm desperate! We're both big fans, the
TV's broken at home, and this is the only place around where we
can see the game."
After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning
him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any
trouble,
the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and
watch
the game.
The big game begins with the Cowboys receiving the kickoff. They
march down field, get stopped at the 30, and kick a field goal.
Suddenly, the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and
down the bar giving high-fives to everyone. The bartender says,
"Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've seen! What does the
dog do if they score a touchdown?"
The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for three
years."
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| Posted by URBANDEVIL on 14-Aug-2005 | Rabbit and BearOnce upon a time, there was a river, the nile river to be exact.
On one side lived the rabbit and on the other side lived the
bear. One fine day the bear was sitting on a stump eating his
breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It
was the rabbit.
"Hey, Teddy, get your butt over herr. I've got something to show
you!"
"Not now. I'm eating."
"Oh come on. It is really important."
"no way!"
"please"
So the bear decided to go. It took him all day and night. He
nearly drowned. He got over panting for air.
"well rabbit, what is it?"
"Look at all those berries on the other side of the river!"
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| Posted by Funnyjoker420 on 14-Aug-2005 | The smart monkey. Thomas goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys. He throws a
monkey a peanut, the monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear,
pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, "YUK!"
He throws the monkey another peanut. The monkey picks it up,
sticks it in his rear, pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, "YUK!"
He goes to the zookeeper and he says, "Man, that is one very
stupid monkey."
The zookeeper says, "No, that's a very smart monkey. Last
week, somebody threw him a big peach, and he ate it, and he
couldn't pass the pit. So now he measures everything first."
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| Posted by Holly Griman on 14-Aug-2005 | Fly DropA fly was 6 inches above a river.
A fish was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped 6 inches the fish would eat the fly.
A Bear was watching the same fly,
If the fly dropped 6 inches the fish would eat the fly and the
bear would eat the fish.
A hunter was watching the same fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish and the hunter would shoot the bear.
A mouse was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, and the mouse
would steal the hunter's cheese.
A cat was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, the mouse would
steal the hunter's cheese and the cat would eat the mouse.
The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish ate the fly, the bear ate the
fish, the hunter shot the bear, the mouse stole the cheese and
the cat ate the mouse and fell in the water.
Moral:Whenever a fly dropps 6 inches You'll always find a Wet
Pussy!
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