|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by roadrunr on 11-Aug-2005 | Patato'sQ:There are two patato's sitting on the cornerof a street, how can you tell which ones the prositute?
A: the one with the sticker on it that says IDAHO!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Farzad F. Rad on 11-Aug-2005 | Tea Anyone?Their once was a Princess who fell in love with an indian, but still wasn't happy because he had accomplished nothing in his life. One day in the paper the princess read of an herbal tea drinking contest. Suprisingly the in Indian was very good at this and decided to enter. The contest began and soon it was down to the indian and another man,they both drank 32 gallons of tea. Finally after 34 gallons the other man dropped out and the indian won, by drinking 35 gallons of herbal tea. After celebrating, the indian went to sleep with the trophy in his hands and....that night he drowned in his teapee!
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tiger_Lily on 11-Aug-2005 | Ode To PukeWith apologies to Mr Poe
As I kneel, head bowed, puking,
as I choke and snort my sputum
croaking, coughing, retching, groaning,
on the bathroom floor,
I think, though brain is dizzy,
things I've never thought before
Things I've missed, though often spewing,
or somehow managed to ignore
While I lie bedraggled,
on the stinking cold hard floor.
Now with head a-throbbing,
o'er the great white bowl I'm bobbing,
Bobbing, throbbing, weaving, chucking,
surely there can be no more?
No more vomit I lay praying,
Jesus! save me now, and seal my maw
And send a team of maidens
to mop this stinking cold hard floor
And if you do, I promise,
on my honour, Nevermore!
But lo! my gut's ill-fated,
and my heaves are unabated,
And now my thoughts turn back
to whence they were before,
As I'm squirming, smacking, flopping,
like a spastic being ignored.
And no maidens do I hear,
not one wet-wipe does appear,
Nought but dread convulsions
on the stinking cold hard floor.
Tis curious, I wonder,
as I purge more sauce-filled chunder,
How the saucy slick of chunder,
appears, oh what a wonder!
As a likeness of myself
such as I've never seen before
As a likeness of myself,
writhing on the cold hard floor
And the likeness set me thinking,
how my doping, not my drinking,
could result in such a stinking,
stinking on the cold hard floor.
And two things I did conclude,
"Thank you, torrid interlude!"
And thank you Gods, all praise to you,
for there's truth in floating spew.
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by DeLio on 11-Aug-2005 | New Grocery Store HelperOne day, a little girl walked in to a grocery store. She asked someone at the grocery store, who coincedentally was new, if they had bacon. He said "I don't know, I don't know." So the little girl left. then the manager came and said to the new worker, "you don't say 'I don't know. I don't know. you say 'Yes we do. yes we do.'" the next day and old man walked in to the store. he asked, "Do you have any bacon?" and the same worker said "Yes we do. yes we do." then the old man asked, "How much is it?" and the worker said "I dont' know. i don't know." so the old man left. then the manager came back and said, "you don't say 'i don't know, i don't know.' you say '50 cents, 50 cents.'" the next day a teenage boy came to the store. he asked the worker, "do you have any bacon?" and the worker said "yes we do, yes we do." then the boy asked, "how much is it?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then the boy asked, "Is it fresh?" and the worker said "I dont' know, i don't know." the boy left. then the manager came and said "You don't say 'i don't know, i don't know.' you say 'very very fresh, very very fresh.'" the next day a young woman walked into the store. she asked the worker, "do you have bacon?" and the worker said "Yes we do, yes we do." then she asked "How much is it?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then the woman asked "is it fresh?" and the worker said "very very fresh, very very fresh." then the lady asked "is it on sale?" and the worker said "i don't know, i don't know." so the lady left. the manager came and said, "you don't say 'i don't know, i don't know,' you say 'not today, maybe tomorrow.'" the next day two criminals came. they asked "do you have money?" and the worker said "yes we do, yes we do." then the criminals asked "how much?" and the worker said "50 cents, 50 cents." then one of the criminals asked, "are you being fresh with me?" and the worker said "very very fresh, very very fresh." then the criminals asked, "can we kill you?" and the worker said "not today, maybe tomorrow."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Krystal on 11-Aug-2005 | CakeThe corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him "can you make a birthday cake for my wife, she's an optician?" He agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a winking eye.
His next customer said " can you make a birthday cake for my husband, he's a dentist." He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.
At that moment another customer began to leave his shop, when the baker asked "can I help you?" The lady turned and said"no, I don't think so,it's my husband birthday today, but he's a gynaecologist".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Super Man on 11-Aug-2005 | Hot MealTwo hobo's are walking down railroad tracks, haven't eaten in a couple days, and are starving. Ahead of them, lying on the tracks, is a dead buzzard....maggots crawling all over the badly decomposed bird...green flies swarming the stinking mass. Stopping to stare at the smelly thing, one hobo says, "Let's eat this bastard." The other hobo says, "Naw, I'm gonna wait and have a HOT meal." The first hobo replies, "Well, I'm too damned hungry to wait, I'm eatin' this fuckin' buzzard". The second hobo says, "Suit yourself, but I ain't waitin' on you", and starts down the tracks again. Ravenously, the first hobo begins stuffing the rotton bird into his mouth. After licking the last maggot from his lips, he looks down the tracks and sees his buddy....by now about a mile away... and takes off running to catch up. After running 10 minutes in the hot August sun, the hobo catches up to his buddy.....sweating...panting....stomach churning from the rotten buzzard he'd just eaten. Suddenly he begins to puke....every bit of the rotten buzzard is now laying in a putrid mass on the tracks. The second hobo smiles at the first hobo and says, "See?? I told you I was gonna wait for a HOT meal".
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
