|
|
 |
|
 |
 |
| Posted by Lyn Le on 09-Aug-2005 | PenguinThis guy runs into a bar and shouts "Quick, how tall is a penguin??"
The bartender looks stunned.
"An empire penguin can be about this tall" he says, gesturing.
So the guy says, "Oh no, I just ran over two nuns!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
| Posted by nutmegg on 09-Aug-2005 | Healing TouchJesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one: "What's troubling you, brother?" he said.
"My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can't see." Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now 20-20 vision.
The next gentleman couldn't hear Jesus' questions, so The Lord just touched his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection.
This man, too, ran out the door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.
The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even before Jesus could greet him. "Don't you come near me, man! Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by ron k. carmichael on 09-Aug-2005 | Trick AlligatorThis guy goes into a bar leading a half-sized alligator on a leash. The bartender yells at him, "You can't bring that animal in here!"
The man says, "This isn't just any old alligator, he knows tricks. I'll show you." He lets the alligator climb up on the bar, then says, "This alligator can hold his mouth open for any length of time you say, to the exact second. Name a time."
So, the bartender says "47 seconds." The man says, "OK, when I say go, start your watch. Go!" The alligator opens its mouth wide, while the bartender watches his mouth. The man says, "To prove how much confidence I have in my pet, I'm gonna lay my dick in his mouth. But, just for safety's sake, start counting the seconds from 45 on." The man does so, and when the bartender starts saying "45...46...47..," right when he says 48 the man pulls back his dick and the alligator's mouth snaps shut.
Everyone at the bar was very impressed with this stunt. The man says, "Thanks a lot! Now, would anyone else like to try?" And, of course, all the men just sort of mumble and turn back to their drinks. I mean, trust only goes so far.
One little guy at the end raises his hand rather timidly.
The man says, "You there!! You're a real man! You're brave enough to try this??!"
To which the other man says, "Yeth, but I don't think I could keep my mouth open the whole 47 seconds."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by keenen on 09-Aug-2005 | Hank's BeardBest friends, Vinnie and Hank, are in their local bar, having a few drinks. Vinnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard. Vinnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy."
Hank strokes it himself and says, "Ya, you're right!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by Tina S. Coleman on 09-Aug-2005 | Bar FliesA man walked into a shop and found the clerk stalking flies with a fly swatter.
"Have you gotten any?"
he asked.
The clerk replied, "Yeah. Three males and two females."
"How do you tell the difference?"
the man asked curiously.
"Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone!"
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Posted by HoMer H. SiMpsOn on 09-Aug-2005 | Bar... DuckmanA man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"
The duck says, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."
|
0 people have rated this joke: |
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
