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| Posted by Tasteless on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing GolfA married man and his secretary were having a torrid affair. One afternoon they couldn't contain their passion, so they rushed over to her place where they spent the afternoon making passionate love. When they were finished they fell asleep and didn't wake up till 8 o'clock.
They got dressed quickly. Then the man told his secretary to take his shoes outside and rub them on the lawn. Bewildered, she does as he asks (thinking he's pretty weird).
The man finally gets home and his wife meets him at the door. Upset, she asks where he's been.
The man replies "I cannot tell a lie. My secretary and I are having an affair. Today we left work early, went to her place, spent the afternoon making love then fell asleep. That's why I'm late."
The wife looks at him, takes notice of his shoes and says, "I see those grass stains on your shoes. You've been playing golf again, haven't you!?"
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| Posted by mike w. flewelling on 09-Aug-2005 | 5000 Dollar RideAn old farmer, attending a fair with his wife, Bessie, was much taken with the open-cockpit airplane in which fairgoers could buy a ride. The $5 fee was rather steep for him, so he began to bargain with the pilot. The pilot, annoyed, said, "I'll make a deal with you. I'll take you up for nothing if you keep your mouths shut. But if either of you makes a single sound, you pay the full $5."
"Done," the farmer said.
The couple climbed into the plane and wedged themselves into the cockpit well behind the pilot's seat, and the pilot took off.
There was dead silence behind, which surprised the pilot, who counted on the splendid view to elicit cries of admiration and, therefore, his full fee. Suddenly, the pilot banked and went into a series of loops and spins designed to force cries of dismay from even the stoutest heart. Yet still there was absolute silence from the farmer and his wife. Defeated, the pilot landed his craft.
Helping the farmer out of the plane, the pilot said, "I have to hand it to you. You sure kept your mouths shut. Both"
"Yup," said the farmer, "For a minute there I thought Bessie'd give a little scream when she fell out."
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| Posted by Horn E. Guy on 09-Aug-2005 | Trip To The UterusTwo sperm are swimming along and the one is starting to get tired. He asks his buddy, "how far do you think is it to the uterus? I'm getting pretty tired!"
His buddy says, "I'm not sure but I think it is a long way; we just passed the esophagus!"
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| Posted by Shaukat Ali Ansari on 09-Aug-2005 | Mother In Law JokeOne day, a farmer's mother-in-law came to visit his farm. A few days later, she was killed when the mule on the farm kicked her.
Thousands of people from town who had heard about the death came to the poor lady's funeral - some that the farmer did not even know. A minister noticed this, came up to the farmer, and asked, "Why are there so many people here?"
The farmer answered, "Oh, they aren't here for the funeral. They want to buy the mule!"
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| Posted by Richard J. Allan on 09-Aug-2005 | Magicians ParrotA young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always steal his act by saying things like, "He has a card up his sleeve!" or "He has a dove in his pocket."
One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?
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| Posted by Sumeet Patel on 09-Aug-2005 | Old Old BonesSome tourists at Chicago's Field Museum of Natural were marveling at their large collection of dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?"
The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
The guard answered, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago!"
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