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| Posted by Emma on 09-Aug-2005 | Playing PresidentA little boy and a little girl were sitting on the porch talking, when the little girl suddenly winked and asked, "Do you want to get undressed and we can play doctor?"
The little boy replied, "That's too old fashioned, spit out your gum, I want to play President."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Homie G. Funk on 09-Aug-2005 | Cleaning the closetOne day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S & M magazine. This was highly upsetting to her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "This is what I found in your son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by Mike Richards on 09-Aug-2005 | Finding JesusLittle Johnny is in Sunday school and the teacher asks the class where Jesus is today.
Paul raises his hand and says, "Jesus is in my heart cuz I love him very much."
Mary raises her hand and says, "Jesus is in heaven cuz he's dead."
Johnny screams out loud, "Jesus is in my damn bathroom."
The teacher says, "Why is that?"
Johnny replies, "Every morning my dad screams, 'JESUS CHRIST, ARE YOU STILL IN THERE?'"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Mandi M. Topper on 09-Aug-2005 | BeautifulThe teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence.
Today's word is 'beautiful.'
Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"
Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little Frankie, your turn."
Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit.
Little Johnny, it's your turn."
Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.'"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by fLy gIrL on 09-Aug-2005 | Honey'sOne day a little boy goes to his Mother and asks her, "Mom, do honey's have legs?"
The Mother replies, "Why are you asking me this?"
"Because every night when I go to bed, I hear Dad say 'Honey, open your legs' "
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Fred Johnson on 09-Aug-2005 | Letter to MomA mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it with trembling hands:
Dear Mom,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you thatI have eloped with my new boyfriend.
I'll admit I guess I was attracted to him for all the wrong reasons, with all his piercing, tattoos, and his big motorcycle.
I know what we have together is true love, real passion and he is so nice to me.
But not only that Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods.
He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams.
I've learned that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want.
In the meantime, we'll pray for the scientists to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.
Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Just please try to be happy for me.
Some day we'll visit so you can get to know your grandchildren, I promise.
Your daughter, Judith
PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer...
I love you!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing
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