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| Posted by Lowell E. Parson on 09-Aug-2005 | PoliceA man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.
"I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Calamjo
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| Posted by Jenn L. Chicallo on 09-Aug-2005 | Breathalyzer testLate one Friday night the policeman spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin.
He pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening.
"Aye, so I have. 'Tis Friday, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints.
And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these mar-gar-itos which are quite good. I had four or five o' those.
Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness -couldn't be rude, ye know.
Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later."
And the man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he held up for inspection.
The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a breathalyzer test."
Indignantly, the man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me???!!!"
Submitted by Calamjo
Editted by Curtis
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| Posted by Don J. Salcido on 09-Aug-2005 | Silly DrunkA police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Submitted by Calamjo
Editted Christine
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| Posted by Maureen Miner on 09-Aug-2005 | Alabama Speed TrapA man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
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| Posted by Mikah B. Horn on 09-Aug-2005 | Zipper AlertA young woman in a REALLY skimpy skirt was at the bus stop. When the bus arrived and the doors opened she tried to climb the steps. However, her skirt was too tight and her legs couldn't move. So, she reached behind her and undid her zipper.
She tried to step up again, and still couldn't, so she reached behind again and played with the zipper.
She tried to climb the steps again...still no luck. So, as she reached behind again, a pair of strong hands picked her up and placed her on the top step.
"What do you think you're doing?", she asked the guy behind her.
"Well, I figured the second time you undid my fly we were at least good friends!"
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| Posted by Smart Fool on 09-Aug-2005 | Dead PoliticiansA busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
After seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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