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():top list jokes (540): Polite ways to tell a male he needs to zip up: By David Letterman: |
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| Posted by Hugh Jass on 14-Aug-2005 | Polite ways to tell a male he needs to zip up: By David Letterman:
10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson...Paging Mr. Johnson.
6. Elvis has left the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You've got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars .. but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.
1. You've got your fly set for "Monica" instead of "Hillary"
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| Posted by Kim H on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Signs Your Roommate Is Dead15> He actually smells *better* these days.
14> She hasn't chattered incessantly during "Monday Night Football" for weeks.
13> Every time the phone rings, the caller ID says "GRIM REAPER."
12> You just blew this month's entire grocery budget on Glade plug-ins.
11> Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman show up with an extra pair of sunglasses to take him on a series of zany misadventures.
10> For the first time in years, your pay-per-view porn bill is less than your rent.
9> She usually just eats all your yogurt, but now she's trying to eat your brain.
8> Your date takes one look at him and asks, "What's Keith Richards doing here?"
7> Lately, she's become a little more receptive to your advances.
6> Roommate hanging a tie on the doorknob? Hot date.
Roommate hanging by his tie? Not so hot.
5> You don't remember buying a bean-bag chair.
4> Last week: Steady stream of cheerleaders going into his room with beer.
This week: Goth chicks with chainsaws leaving his room with small bundles wrapped in plastic.
3> The cleaning lady has started tacking on a $50 "heebie-jeebie fee."
2> Note on fridge: "Rent will be late, like me."
1> He's won a record 147 straight staring contests.
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 20 Least Successful Restaurant Chains |
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| Posted by *Supa_Fli_Monkey_Poo* on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 20 Least Successful Restaurant Chains20> Slippery Slim's Happy Trails Snail Buffet
19> International House of Pancreas
18> Gandhiburger
17> Day-Old Discount Sushi Emporium
16> NRA Kill It/Grill It Steakhouse
15> Dahmer's Deli De-Lites
14> Tofu Bell
13> Jackass... the Restaurant
12> Hirsooters
11> Captain Tricky's Raw Pork Bar
10> Outhouse Out Back Steakhouse
9> Hairy Queen
8> Pee Wee's Hand-Jerked Chicken
7> Tastes Like Shiite Iraqi Cuisine
6> Phlegmpie's
5> Preggo's Sardine, Pickle and Ice Cream Parlor
4> Just Taste All That Greece!
3> Francisco McGillicutty's Bogus Ethnic Forced-Fun Emporium
2> Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf's Wonderful, Vermin-Free Restaurant
1> Bob Dole's Foot-Long Hot Dogs
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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| Posted by Aaron D. Fredrick on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 16 Programs on Spike TV16> Beer Factor
15> Trading Spouses
14> SCI: Strip Club Investigation
13> That '70s Chauvinism
12> 6 Minutes
11> Martha Stewart's Living... IN HELL!
10> Iron Chef Boyardee's Bachelor Cooking Smackdown
9> Hookers Say the Darndest Things!
8> Everybody Loves Raymond in a Healthy, Heterosexual, Manly Way
7> Xtreme Stooges
6> Boffing the Vampire Slayer
5> Survivor: Fabric Store
4> Who Wants to Beat Up a Figure Skater?
3> Twin Peaks -- I Kid You Not!
2> Judging Amy's
1> Farts: The Ken Burns Documentary
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 14 Movies We'd Like to See This Summer |
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| Posted by Andre Cardinal on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 14 Movies We'd Like to See This Summer14> Teen sex comedy has never been as safe as it is in... "The Latex Reloaded."
13> How far will one reporter go to get an exclusive with the President? All the way. She was "Embedded."
12> An insatiable desire for rich, gooey cookies leads to a miracle in "Mrs. Fields of Dreams."
11> They found more bargains than they'd bargained for while "Goodwill Shopping."
10> Stan, Kyle and Cartman are at it again in "South Park II: Bigger, Longer, Uncut, Pierced and Kinda Curving to the Left."
9> It was a love they couldn't mask -- until the doctor told them, "You've Got SARS."
8> It knows your name, it knows your phone number, it knows where you live. Beware... "The Telemarketer."
7> A frustrated everyman's wish grants him the powers of the Boss: "Bruce, All Righty!"
6> She was sleazy, but she was also cheap and the only hooker around. Haley Joel Osment stars in the terrifying tale of "Six Cents."
5> An aging defense attorney takes on a cute young prosecutor both in the courtroom and, with the help of some little blue pills, in the bedroom in "Matlock: Reloaded."
4> She went down on you once and she'll do it again in "Titanic II: The Re-Sinking."
3> Sure, it was furniture, but it was EVIL furniture! See "Something Wicker This Way Comes."
2> Women desired them for their freakishly oversized appendages, but men called them mutants... "The XXX-Men."
1> Who will lead the new Iraq? The drama escalates in... "Revenge of the Kurds."
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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():top list jokes (540): The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum |
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| Posted by Lady Love on 14-Aug-2005 | The Top 15 Least-Visited Exhibits at the Science Fiction Museum15> The Smoking Man Interactive Virtual Lung
14> Darth Vader's Prescription Inhaler
13> William Shatner's Corset Collection
12> Michael Jackson's Ever-Morphing Face
11> The Sad Remains of Mark Hamill's Career
10> JarJarMania!
9> The Few, The Proud: A Salute to Sci-Fi Fans Who Have Married Women
8> Video Quiz: Tribble, Wookiee or Shatner's Hairpiece?
7> The Blobateria
6> Scotty's Hall of Hemorrhoids
5> The "What You Missed at the Prom" Exhibit
4> Glow-in-the-Dark Jabba the Hut From the Ferengi House of Earwax Figures Collection
3> The men's room condom machine
2> The Trouble With Dribbles: Incontinence and the Older Sci-Fi Fan
1> Sci-Fi Writing Awards Hands-On Display: Touch a Nebula, Feel a Hugo, Fondle a Dick!
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
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