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| Posted by LizBeth on 10-Aug-2005 | Posted at a local golf club1. Back Straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.
2. Form a loose grip.
3. Keep your head down.
4. Avoid a back swing.
5. Stay out of the water.
6. Try not to hit anyone.
7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
8. Don't stand directly in front of others.
9. Quiet please....while others are preparing to go.
10. Don't take extra strokes.
Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside, and tee off.
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| Posted by matt D on 10-Aug-2005 | The Missing FootballA man holding a football leaned over his garden gate and shouted to two boys
on the other side of the street,"is this yore ball?" "did it do any damage,
mister?" asked one of the lads "no,it didn't "Then it is ours" said the boy.
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| Posted by mmmmmm kkkkkkkkk on 10-Aug-2005 | The Fishing GroomA man and his newlywed check into a mountain resort by a lake. The desk clerk
notices the "Just Married" sign still on the car. As soon as the man gets the
luggage out of the car, he hops in a boat to go fishing.
He is out all day, comes back for a quick supper, picks up his lantern and
goes back out at night. This goes on for a couple of days when the man happens
to stop by the desk. The clerk starts a conversation with the man and mentions
his behavior.
"I know it's none of my business, but I was wondering why you weren't having
sex with your new wife."
"Oh, I couldn't do that; she has gonorrhea."
"Well, what about anal sex?"
"Couldn't do that; she has diarrhea."
"There is always oral sex."
"Nope, she has pyorrhea."
"Wait a second. If she has gonorrhea, diarrhea, and pyorrhea, why did you
marry her?"
"That's easy. She also has worms, and I love to fish!"
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| Posted by Anthony Boose on 10-Aug-2005 | BaseballYour so stupid when your baseball coach said to go home you ran home crying.
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| Posted by Neo V. Michilini on 10-Aug-2005 | Watching The GameA guy with leprosy wins tickets to see the world series. But when he gets
there, he has trouble finding a seat because pieces of him are peeling and
flaking off, and he's very concerned about grossing out the other fans.
The leper wanders through the bleachers looking for a seat where his grotesque
appearance won't disturb anyone else. Finally he finds an open seat where he
might be able to watch the game. He asks the man in the adjoining seat if it
would be okay to sit there.
The man answers, "Yeah. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
The leper sits down and adds, "As you can see, I have leprosy. If it disturbs
you, I will move."
"It doesn't bother me. Just shut up, and watch the game."
A while later, during the fourth inning, the man suddenly vomits. Frothy beer,
hot dogs, and peanuts are splattered everywhere.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit
next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will
find another place to sit."
"It's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the sixth inning, the man begins to
vomit again. This time it is projectile vomitus. A powerful blast of beer and
pretzels shoots out from the man's mouth and nose until his stomach is
completely emptied.
Seeing this, the leper gets up and says, "Thank you for allowing me to sit
next to you, but I can see that my appearance has caused you to get sick. I will
find another place to sit."
"Really, it's NOT you. Just sit down, shut up, and watch the game."
So the leper sits back down. But during the seventh inning, the man begins to
vomit again. This time it is the dry heaves. The leper feels absolutely awful at
the sight of this man suffering. And once again, the leper offers to leave.
But the man insists, "Really, it's NOT you."
So the leper asks, "Well if it's not me that is making you so sick, then what
is?"
"It's that guy behind you. He keeps dipping his nachos in your back."
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| Posted by Laxori Shiin on 10-Aug-2005 | Women's TeeAs Joe started to eye up his golfball, hoping that it would fly beyond all
previous hits, a voice came from behind him and said, "Hey buddy! Don't you know
your hitting from the womens tee"?
Joe smugly looked at the avid golf pro-lawyer and said, "Hey buddy don't you
know this is my second shot"?
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