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| Posted by Chransie Spamton on 09-Aug-2005 | Priests CollarLittle Johnny got on a bus and sat down next to a man. He noticed that the man had a strange kind of shirt collar, so he asked him, "Excuse me, sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?"
The man smiled kindly and answered, "I wear this collar because I am a father."
Little Johnny thought a second and responded, "Sir, I have a father, but he wears his collar the other way around. Why do you wear your collar so differently?"
The priest thought for a minute, and said, "I am the Father for many."
Little Johnny quickly answered, "My father, too, is the father of many. He has four sons, four daughters and many grandchildren. But he wears his collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear yours backwards?"
The priest, flustered, said impatiently, "I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people."
Little Johnny sat silently for a long time. As he got up to leave the bus, he leaned over to the priest and said, "Mister, maybe you should wear your pants backwards."
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| Posted by Sarah Fletcher on 09-Aug-2005 | Slowest SellerOn his way in to our local grocery, my husband was stopped by a gaggle of small girls selling Girl Scout cookies.
When he said Yes, he'd take a box, a Brownie asked, "What kind?"
Helpfully he inquired, "Oh, let's see - which is your slowest seller?"
The tiny spokesperson thought a minute, then, pointing toward another girl, stating emphatically, "Brittany!"
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| Posted by Shane Gonz on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonnys DadOne day in the class room the teacher told the class were going to play a moral of the story game.
Instantly Johnny raised his hand, the teacher looked over and thought to herself no I wont pick Johnny he'll have something to do with sex or swearing, so the teacher picked Betty.
Betty started by saying, "one day I went out to collect the eggs from the chicken coop and dropped them."
The teacher asked "and what's the moral to that story?
Betty said "don't count your chickens before they hatch".
The teacher looked around the room and deiced alright Johnny.
Johnny started off by saying, "one day my dad was in nam his LT. told him he had to take that hill and hold it at all costs, so my dad sat down pounded a 5th a whiskey ran up the hill and killed everybody."
The teacher looked up shocked and said, " alright what's the moral of that story?"
Johnny simply sat back and said "DON'T FUCK WITH MY DAD WHEN HE'S BEEN DRINKING."
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| Posted by Squirt on 09-Aug-2005 | Lesson In LogicA fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
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| Posted by Jamie G. Snell on 09-Aug-2005 | Learned From Kids1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape.
5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
6. The glass in windows - even double pane - cannot stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A young child can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
10. Small Legos will successfully pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.
11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" should never be used in the same sentence.
12. Super glue is permanent.
13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. VCRs will not spontaneously eject PB&J sandwiches
15. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
16. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.
17. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
18. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not taste or smell better baked.
19. The spin cycle on the washing machine does make earthworms squirm.
20. Making a cat dizzy will cause it to spit up twice its body weight.
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| Posted by lauren h. houston on 09-Aug-2005 | Glass of WaterOne night a father sent his kid to bed.
Five minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''
''No. You had your chance,'' said the father.
A minute later the boy screamed,
''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance.
The next time you ask, I'm going to come up there and give you a good spanking!'' said the Dad.
Two minutes later the boy screamed,
''Dad! When you come up to spank me
can you bring me a glass or water?''
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