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| Posted by Conrad Gryba on 09-Aug-2005 | Private momentA doctor told Jim that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act.
Jim decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it.
He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
A voice said, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"
Jim replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
"Well", said the cop, "you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
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| Posted by w pit on 09-Aug-2005 | Fleas visitOne winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold.
The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs.
Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'.
The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?"
To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!"
The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm".
The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea.
The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again.
The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs.
About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was.
The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?"
To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm.
Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
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| Posted by Brian M. Lowsley on 09-Aug-2005 | Not lateYou're not late.
You just have a, "rescheduled arrival time."
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| Posted by Leanne Babydoll on 09-Aug-2005 | HummersA new quality survey finds that the Hummer line of SUVs have made the biggest gains in fewest problems reported.
There are so few problems because with gas at more than $2 a gallon, they all just sit in the driveway.
-Jim Barach
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| Posted by Chelsea on 09-Aug-2005 | Iraq's car bombsSupport for the Iraq war is at an all-time low, and some Republicans blame the media and its '24/7 news coverage of car bombs,' which 'tends to leave a certain impression.'
You know, that's so true. You never hear about the cars that DON'T blow up.
-Jon Stewart
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| Posted by LiL gIRl on 09-Aug-2005 | ChryslerThe Chrysler Building in New York City is 75 years old.
That makes it nearly as old as the average Chrysler customer.
-Jim Barach
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