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| Posted by pyro_chaos78102 on 09-Aug-2005 | Private schoolA pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school.
On day one the whole family are there to see the boy begin his first day.
The grocer, his family in tow, saunter into the principals office and introduces himself.
"I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates."
"Oh, does he?" asks the bemused principal. "We will soon get him out of that habit."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Alex C on 09-Aug-2005 | Potty trainingLittle Johnny was just being potty trained, and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants.
2. Pull pants down.
3. Pull foreskin back.
4. Pee.
5. Push foreskin forward.
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, "1,2,3,4,5,6" and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Marvin Tapessur on 09-Aug-2005 | Whats a periodThe kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
Eventually little Johnny's turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, waited a short time and make a second small white dot next to the first.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.
'It's a period,' reported Johnny.
'Yes, I can understand that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'
'Damned if I know,' said Johnny, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.'
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| Posted by korn_kid on 08-Aug-2005 | Red wagonLittle Jane was sitting in her red wagon with her dad's fireman hat on, and her father walked by and said man that sure is a fine fire engine you have there.. all you need is a hose, a siren and a motor, and it would be perfect.
The next day her father walks by her again and now she has her hose strapped to the side, a dog tied to the front, and a cat tied to the back.
He says, "Wow! That really looks like a fire engine now, but I think you were also suppose to tie the cat in the front and she says "Then how would I have a siren?"
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| Posted by stephan o. brion on 09-Aug-2005 | Uncle CharlieA teacher was giving class lessons in morals and asked for examples.
Little Mary stood up and said,
'My father is a chicken farmer and when we collect the eggs each morning, we take more than one basket, so you don't put all your eggs in one basket.'
'Very good, Mary,' said the teacher. 'Any more morals?'
Little Johnny stands up.
'During the war,' he says, 'my Uncle Charlie was alone in a fox-hole with a rifle and a bottle of whisky.'
'A whole German battalion was approaching him, so he had a big gulp of the whisky and fired all his bullets at the Germans, killing at least 100. He fell back into the fox-hole, took another large swig of whisky and ran out and used his bayonet and rifle butt to kill all the Germans left.'
'That's very brave of your uncle,' said the teacher, 'but where's the moral to the story?'
'Well.' said Johnny, 'You don't f*** around with Uncle Charlie when he's been on the piss.'
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| Posted by derek on 09-Aug-2005 | Little SimonLittle Simon came running into the house and asked,
'Mummy, can little girls have babies?'
'No,' said his mum, 'of course not.'
Simon ran back outside and his mum heard him yell to his friends, 'It's okay, we can play that game again!'
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