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| Posted by Cyberventurer on 09-Aug-2005 | Prostitute at barA man stops off at a bar after work to have a couple of drinks. He starts talking to this woman, and even though the guy is married, he thinks she is so fine that he agrees to go back to her place.
When he gets to her place, he finds out that she is a prostitute and that she wants $75.
"Forget it," the man says, "you never told me you were a prostitute." "But I do have $10 on me, will you take that?"
"You won't get any decent prostitute for that," the hooker says. She throws the guy out.
Later that night, the man and his wife go out to dinner. While they are eating, the same prostitute who happens to also be eating there recognizes the guy.
She comes up to him and says, "See, I told you." "Look at the kind of trash you'll pick up for $10."
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| Posted by james on 09-Aug-2005 | Dennis RodmanA woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement."
A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock..
"I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".
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| Posted by Lyn Le on 09-Aug-2005 | PenguinThis guy runs into a bar and shouts "Quick, how tall is a penguin??"
The bartender looks stunned.
"An empire penguin can be about this tall" he says, gesturing.
So the guy says, "Oh no, I just ran over two nuns!"
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| Posted by nutmegg on 09-Aug-2005 | Healing TouchJesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one: "What's troubling you, brother?" he said.
"My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can't see." Jesus touched the man, who ran outside to tell the world about his now 20-20 vision.
The next gentleman couldn't hear Jesus' questions, so The Lord just touched his ears, restoring his hearing to perfection.
This man, too, ran out the door, probably on his way to the audiologist to get a hearing-aid refund.
The third man leapt from his chair and backed up against the wall, even before Jesus could greet him. "Don't you come near me, man! Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I'm on disability!"
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| Posted by ron k. carmichael on 09-Aug-2005 | Trick AlligatorThis guy goes into a bar leading a half-sized alligator on a leash. The bartender yells at him, "You can't bring that animal in here!"
The man says, "This isn't just any old alligator, he knows tricks. I'll show you." He lets the alligator climb up on the bar, then says, "This alligator can hold his mouth open for any length of time you say, to the exact second. Name a time."
So, the bartender says "47 seconds." The man says, "OK, when I say go, start your watch. Go!" The alligator opens its mouth wide, while the bartender watches his mouth. The man says, "To prove how much confidence I have in my pet, I'm gonna lay my dick in his mouth. But, just for safety's sake, start counting the seconds from 45 on." The man does so, and when the bartender starts saying "45...46...47..," right when he says 48 the man pulls back his dick and the alligator's mouth snaps shut.
Everyone at the bar was very impressed with this stunt. The man says, "Thanks a lot! Now, would anyone else like to try?" And, of course, all the men just sort of mumble and turn back to their drinks. I mean, trust only goes so far.
One little guy at the end raises his hand rather timidly.
The man says, "You there!! You're a real man! You're brave enough to try this??!"
To which the other man says, "Yeth, but I don't think I could keep my mouth open the whole 47 seconds."
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| Posted by keenen on 09-Aug-2005 | Hank's BeardBest friends, Vinnie and Hank, are in their local bar, having a few drinks. Vinnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard. Vinnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy."
Hank strokes it himself and says, "Ya, you're right!"
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