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| Posted by Emma on 09-Aug-2005 | Protect and ServeWhile taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about six years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a police officer?"
"Yes," I answered, and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
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| Posted by Jay Jay on 09-Aug-2005 | stupid questionsI just love to fill out stupid questions on forms with equally
stupid answers. Thought I'd share a few that were emailed to me:
Form: Length of Residence...
Answer: 73 feet
Form: Are you a leader or a follower ?
Answer: A leader, but w/o many followers
Form: Reason for requesting employment
Answer: Money
Form: Pet Aversions
Answer: None, I love animals
Form: Beneficiary
Answer: Wife
Form: Relationship
Answer: Strained
Form: Purpose of withdraw
Answer: Get money to spend
Form: Person to notify in Case of Accident
Answer: Anyone in sight
Form: Number of passengers in vehicle during accident
Answer: Three
Form: Disposition of passengers
Answer: Mad as Hell !
Form: Number of employees in your office, broken down by sex
Answer: None that I know of, Liquor a much larger problem
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| Posted by betsy minton on 09-Aug-2005 | At the Grandparent'sTwo young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
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| Posted by hvymetalchik on 09-Aug-2005 | Lick thatTommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were.
"My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!" said young Harry.
"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men... so lick that!" Tommy said.
"That's nothing!" declared little Johnny. "My dad hasn't wiped his ass in 10 years... so lick that!"
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| Posted by Renee Jones on 09-Aug-2005 | Math ClassLittle Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.
"If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.
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| Posted by J L. Hodges on 09-Aug-2005 | ContagiousIn school the lesson was about the word "contagious." The teacher asked the class if anyone could use the word contagious in a sentence.
One girl raised her hand and said, "I had the chicken pox and I couldn't go outside and play because it was contagious."
The teacher replied, "That was good. Can anyone else use contagious in a sentence?"
One of the boys said, "I couldn't go over my friend's house because he had a cold and my mother said it was contagious."
The teacher replied, "That's good. Anyone else?"
Little Johnny said, "Last week when we had the snowstorm, my father took the snowblower and blew all the snow into my neighbor's driveway."
The teacher was upset and said, "That was a horrible thing to do. And besides, it has nothing to do with the lesson."
Johnny spoke up, "Yes it does. My father came in the house laughing, saying it will take the contagious to shovel herself out."
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