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| Posted by Sonya M. Hamilton on 13-Aug-2005 | Pub CrawlAn Irishman's been drinking at a pub all night. When he stands up to leave, he falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, but to no avail. Again, he falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside, he stands up and, sure enough, he falls flat on his face.
The Irishman decides to crawl the four blocks to his home. When he arrives at the door, he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time, he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed. He is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.
He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, ''So, you've been out drinking again!'' ''Why do you say that?'' he asks innocently. ''The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again.''
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| Posted by hello there on 13-Aug-2005 | Yo momma is a hoeyour momma is like a brick she is always getting laid.
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| Posted by Avi Marcus on 14-Aug-2005 | Pool PartyOnce there was a rich dude who owned a huge mansion, lots of
cars, was an alcoholic, and smoked crack. He even had a huge
pool which he filled with hundreds of alligators.
One day he was having a pool party and everyone got drunk and
high. After a while the rich guy stood up on a table and made a
speech. He said, "Anyone who swims across my pool will get my
house. No one jumped in. Then he said, "Anyone who swims across
my pool gets my house and my cars. No one jumped. "Anyone who
swims across my pool gets my house, my cars, alcohol, and my
cars." No one jumped in. "Anyone who swims across my pool gets
my house, my cars, my alcohol, and my crack. He heard a splash
and looked up.
He saw a guy jump into the pool. Alligators were on him in a
second, but this guy did tarzan moves, wrestled alligators, etc.
Finally, he climbed out on the other side. The rich dude walked
around and said, "That was amazing. I never thought anyone would
do that! When do you want my house?" The guy said "I don't want
your house." "When do you want my cars?" "I don't want your
cars." " When do you want my alcohol? "I don't want your
alcohol." When do you want my crack?" "I don't want you crack."
"Well, what do you want?" "I want the freaking bastard who
pushed me in!"
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| Posted by "Princess on 09-Aug-2005 | Shit hits the fanA man walks into a bar. "Gimme a double, before the shit hits the fan."
A few minutes later, same thing. "Gimme a beer before the shit hits the fan."
This goes on for an hour or so.
Finally the Bartender goes up to him and says, "Listen buddy, maybe you should pay before you get another drink."
"Oops, the shit just hit the fan." He replied.
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| Posted by Pink Mist on 09-Aug-2005 | Snail visits barThe landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell.
He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there. "What do you want?" asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink.
"Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, kicks the snail and slams the door.
..... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there. "What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.
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| Posted by Jeremy Mrotek on 13-Aug-2005 | Woman wearing nylons.How can you tell when a woman is wearing nylons? Her ankles puff up when she farts!
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3 people have rated this joke: |
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