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| Posted by Dete on 14-Aug-2005 | Pussy CatOne day a fly was flying over a lake. In the lake a trout said
to himself, "If that fly will drop four inches, I can jump out
and catch it." Behind a shrub a bear said to himself, "If that
fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water
and catch it, so I can reach out and grab the trout." On a hill
sat a hunter who said, "If that fly will drop four inches, the
trout will jump out of the water and catch it, the bear will
reach out and grab the trout, and it will expose him for a clear
shot." Behind A bush there was a rat who said, "If that fly will
drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the water and catch
it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout, the hunter will
have a clear shot at the bear and run down to get his kill, and
I can steal his food." Behind a tree was a cat who said, "If
that fly will drop four inches, the trout will jump out of the
water and catch it, the bear will reach out and grab the trout,
the hunter will have a clear shot at the bear and run down to
get his kill, the rat will steal the hunter's food, and I can
pounce on the rat." Well, everything began: the fly dropped four
inches, the trout caught the fly, the bear reached out and
grabbed the trout exposing himself, the hunter shot the bear and
ran down for his kill, the rat stole the hunter's food, and the
cat tripped and rolled all the way down the hill into the lake.
Moral: When the fly drops, the pussy gets wet.
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| Posted by Amanda Hugandkiss on 08-Aug-2005 | Down and dirty!A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.
"Oh, my," exclaimed the lady, "Come on, I'll clean you!"
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.
She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.
Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.
She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling... Pssssst..."Hey, lady!"
"Yes?" she responded.
"Do you have a Kleenex?" asked the voice from the bushes.
"No, not anymore," she answered.
"Damn! Have ya' seen any Ducks?"
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| Posted by brittany l. fint on 08-Aug-2005 | The great rabbit escape!A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. 'Wow, this is great,' he thought.
It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.
"Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?"
"Yes. Come and join us," they cried.
Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked.
"Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them."
This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.
Later, he asked them again, "What else do you do?"
"You see that field there? It's got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well."
The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. "Is there anything else you guys do?" he asked.
One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
"There's one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, "he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. "They're girls. We shag them. Go and try it."
Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
"That was fantastic," he panted.
"So are you going to live with us then?" one of them asked.
"I'm sorry, I had a great time but I can't."
The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. "Why? We thought you liked it here."
"I do," our friend replied. "But I must get back to the laboratory. I'm dying for a cigarette!"
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| Posted by Jameelah S. Bullock on 08-Aug-2005 | The Ocotpus!A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!"
The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says, "Didn't you see the sign over there it says no pets allowed!"
The man say's to the bartender, "oh but you don't understand this is a special octopus and he can play any musical instrument that you have."
The bartender replied back, "well I'll tell you what, if he can play any instrument you can both drink for free all night!"
The bartender walks up to the band playing and grabs a guitar. He puts it down on the bar.
The octopus crawls up on the bar and feels around the guitar for a little while, then finally he picks it up and starts jamming. He's so good he sounded like Jimi Hendricks!
The bartender was amazed and says, "alright lets try one more".
This time he goes into the back room and brings out a dusty old set of bagpipes and promptly put them on the bar and says "lets see him play this!"
The octopus starts crawling all over the bagpipes. He continues this for quite awhile.
The bartender shouted out " See I knew he couldn't play all these instruments!"
And the man replies, "Just give him a few more minutes...
as soon as he figures out he can't have sex with it, he'll play it!"
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| Posted by iggy1 on 08-Aug-2005 | Dead RabbitThis guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?". The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. er.. no.. what happened?". The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
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| Posted by Brandy M. Richmond on 08-Aug-2005 | Three legged DonkeyWhat do you call a donkey with three legs?
A wonkey!
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