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():nerd jokes (650): NEWS: Working With Idiots Can Kill You! |
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| Posted by Nick S. White on 13-Aug-2005 | NEWS: Working With Idiots Can Kill You!Thursday November 21, 2002
By KATE McCLARE
STOCKHOLM -- Idiots in the office are just as hazardous to your health as cigarettes, caffeine or greasy food, an eye-opening new study reveals. In fact, those dopes can kill you!
Stress is one of the top causes of heart attacks -- and working with stupid people on a daily basis is one of the deadliest forms of stress, according to researchers at Sweden's Lindbergh University Medical Center.
The author of the study, Dr. Dagmar Andersson, says her team studied 500 heart attack patients, and were puzzled to find 62 percent had relatively few of the physical risk factors commonly blamed for heart attacks.
"Then we questioned them about lifestyle habits, and almost all of these low-risk patients told us they worked with people so stupid they can barely find their way from the parking lot to their office. And their heart attack came less than 12 hours after having a major confrontation with one of these oafs.
"One woman had to be rushed to the hospital after her assistant shredded important company tax documents instead of copying them. A man told us he collapsed right at his desk because the woman at the next cubicle kept asking him for correction fluid -- for her computer monitor.
"You can cut back on smoking or improve your diet," Dr. Andersson says, "but most people have very poor coping skills when it comes to stupidity -- they feel there's nothing they can do about it, so they just internalize their frustration until they finally explode."
Stupid co-workers can also double or triple someone's work load, she explains. "Many of our subjects feel sorry for the drooling idiots they work with, so they try to cover for them by fixing their mistakes. One poor woman spent a week rebuilding client records because a clerk put them all in the 'recycle bin' of her computer and then emptied it -- she thought it meant the records would be recycled and used again."
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Editor's note: Checked the source on this article, turns out it was in the Weekly World News, always a reputable source!
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():nerd jokes (650): Yet another bad set of wishes... |
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():nerd jokes (650): Precise Dating of Dinosaur Bones |
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| Posted by Tamara Davis on 13-Aug-2005 | That will teach ya??¦A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune.
So, she thought to herself "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me." She went over to the machine and put her nickel in, and out came a card that said, "You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine and put her nickel in. Out came a card that read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you are going to play a fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong, for I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down. From nowhere, a Cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music.
Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to try it again."
Back to the machine. She put her nickel in and another card came out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you're going to Chicago, Illinois and you're going to break wind. Now, the nun knows the machine is wrong; "I've never broke wind in public a day in my life!" Well, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again." She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card.
It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!!!!"
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| Posted by Kristen Hi on 13-Aug-2005 | Takes All KindsA German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."
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