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| Posted by URBANDEVIL on 14-Aug-2005 | Rabbit and BearOnce upon a time, there was a river, the nile river to be exact.
On one side lived the rabbit and on the other side lived the
bear. One fine day the bear was sitting on a stump eating his
breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It
was the rabbit.
"Hey, Teddy, get your butt over herr. I've got something to show
you!"
"Not now. I'm eating."
"Oh come on. It is really important."
"no way!"
"please"
So the bear decided to go. It took him all day and night. He
nearly drowned. He got over panting for air.
"well rabbit, what is it?"
"Look at all those berries on the other side of the river!"
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| Posted by Funnyjoker420 on 14-Aug-2005 | The smart monkey. Thomas goes to the zoo to feed the monkeys. He throws a
monkey a peanut, the monkey picks it up, sticks it in his rear,
pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, "YUK!"
He throws the monkey another peanut. The monkey picks it up,
sticks it in his rear, pulls it out and eats it.
Thomas goes, "YUK!"
He goes to the zookeeper and he says, "Man, that is one very
stupid monkey."
The zookeeper says, "No, that's a very smart monkey. Last
week, somebody threw him a big peach, and he ate it, and he
couldn't pass the pit. So now he measures everything first."
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| Posted by Holly Griman on 14-Aug-2005 | Fly DropA fly was 6 inches above a river.
A fish was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped 6 inches the fish would eat the fly.
A Bear was watching the same fly,
If the fly dropped 6 inches the fish would eat the fly and the
bear would eat the fish.
A hunter was watching the same fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish and the hunter would shoot the bear.
A mouse was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, and the mouse
would steal the hunter's cheese.
A cat was watching the fly,
If the fly dropped the fish would eat the fly, the bear would
eat the fish, the hunter would shoot the bear, the mouse would
steal the hunter's cheese and the cat would eat the mouse.
The fly dropped 6 inches, the fish ate the fly, the bear ate the
fish, the hunter shot the bear, the mouse stole the cheese and
the cat ate the mouse and fell in the water.
Moral:Whenever a fly dropps 6 inches You'll always find a Wet
Pussy!
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():animal jokes (1719): Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire |
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| Posted by Brid Edwards on 14-Aug-2005 | Chet's nuts roasting on an open fireA married man is shopping in a mall for a christmas present for
his wife because he had forgotten to buy it until the day
arrived. He walks into a pet store to get a unique and unusual
present for his wife. He looks through the categories of
animals, but can't find anything, so he asks an assistant if
there is anything unique in the store because he needs to find
something quick. The assistant thinks for awhile then says,"yes,
we have a parrot that can sing christmas carols." The man
becomes ecstatic about this and asks the assistant to show him
the parrot. As he is shown the parrot, the assistant tells him
that the parrot's name is Chet and the parrot will only sing if
you warm up his feet with a match. So the assistant pulls out a
match and lights it, he then puts it under the parrots foot.
This causes the parrot to sing "Jingle bells", and the man say,"
Wow, i've never seen anything like this." The man then asks if
the parrot can sing anything else. The assistant puts the match
under Chet's left foot. Chet then sings "silent night". The man
is amazed and buys Chet. He takes Chet home and shows his wife
everything that it can do, and she's amazed. The wife asks what
would happen if they put the match between Chet's legs. He
replies," I don't know, lets try it." Without saying more they
light a match and put it between Chet's legs. Then Chet clears
his throat and starts singing, Chet's nuts roasting on an open
fire..............
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():animal jokes (1719): The Brown Cow, the White Cow, and the Bull |
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| Posted by Christopher J. Sando on 14-Aug-2005 | The Brown Cow, the White Cow, and the BullOn a farm lived a boy and his mom. The farm had a brown cow, a white cow,
and a bull. So, one day the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy,
mommy, the bull is fucking the brown cow." The mom looks at him harshly
and replies, "No, son, you have to say the bull surprised the brown cow."
The next day the son runs to his mom and before he can say anything the
mom said, "I know what you are going to say, the bull SURPRISED the white
cow." The son said, "He sure did, he fucked the brown one again."
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| Posted by Briman B. Briman on 14-Aug-2005 | Horse FarmThis guy owns a horse farm and gets a call from a friend. "I know this
midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy a horse. I'm sending him
over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies. So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I thee her mouth?" So the owner picks up the
midget and shows him the horse's mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I thee her eyesth?" So the owner picks up the midget and
shows him the eyes.
"Ok, what about her earth?" Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks
up the midget one more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I'd like to thee her twat." With that, the owner picks up
the midget and shoves his head up the horse's vagina, then pulls him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "Perhapth I should rephrase. I'd like
to thee her run!"
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