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| Posted by Cyberventurer on 12-Aug-2005 | Rappers quoteyou know what they say ladies:\"Big hands, Big...\"- Marshall Mathers
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| Posted by Rik Armstrong on 12-Aug-2005 | Stress BallA man walks into a bar and pulls out a brown tennis ball sized rubbery ball and begins to squeeze it. Another man from the other side of the bar asks, whats that thing supposed to do for ya mate. The 1st guy replies, its to releive me of stress. 2nd man asks, so where\'d you get it from? 1st guy says, Oh I found it. so the 2nd man asks if he could try, sure you can,replies the 1st guy, and rolls the ball across the bar. The 2nd man begins squeezing it, he then says, this is oddly familiar, then he sniffs it and then says, I know what that is, thats SHIT!!! and throws the ball at the 1st guy. The 1st guy says, IS IT! Thank christ, I spent so long picking it out my ass I thought it was Cancer!
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| Posted by jarrod baimbridge on 12-Aug-2005 | Blind loveDo you believe in love at first sight?
How about for blind people?
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| Posted by Everybody's Sweetheart on 12-Aug-2005 | The TestThree men who were lost in the forest were captured by
cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could
live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go
to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So
all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, \"I brought ten
apples.\" The king then explained the trial to him. \"You have to
shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your
face or you\'ll be eaten.\"
The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out
in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the
king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the
ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.
The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one
asked, \"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?\" The
second one replied, \"I couldn\'t help it, I saw the third guy
coming with pineapples.\"
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| Posted by casanova on 13-Aug-2005 | Larry Miller on AgingA great standup routine which somone typed up!
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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half."
You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.
"How old are you?"
"I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.
Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony You BECOME 21....Yes!!!!!
Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.
Then you're PUSHING 40....stay over there.
You REACH 50.
You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60. By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70.
After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday...
You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30. My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."
And it doesn't end there....
Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."
Happy aging!
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