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| Posted by Jerica E. Faglie on 10-Aug-2005 | Real HuntingA group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That
night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an
eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter "but I figured no one is going to steal
Henry."
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| Posted by Kayli on 10-Aug-2005 | Christmas On The PlainsCHRISTMAS ON THE PLAINS
(For any Auburn Fans, such as my poor misguided brother)
Twas a few weeks before Christmas, and all through the South,The Bama fans
were hiding and shutting their mouths.
Dubose was looking, but could find only a few,
For they knew it was time to face the big Orange and Blue.
The fans were all crying and begging for "Bear",
The last place they wanted to be was Jordan-Hare.
They came into town with their hopes oh so high,
But Crimson couldn't shine through that Orange and Blue sky.
They were all in the stadium yelling "Roll Tide!",
And waving their pom-poms with that big Bama Pride.
When out on the field there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from their seats to see what was the matter.
Kitchens flanked to his right and rolled to his left,
And threw the ball to Scissum in spite of himself.
Scissum was hit by Houston, and the ball recovered by Reese,And then, there on
Bama faces was nothing but grief.
Holmes gave it a kick, and through the goal post it flew,And the field was
covered with all Orange and Blue.
We heard Holmes exclaim as the ball went out of sight,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND TO ALL A GREAT NIGHT!
Now, as we go to Atlanta, we'll leave the TIDE some CHEER,We can forget "Punt
Bama Punt" this 25th year..........
For now we have a new phrase that will surely last,
WAR EAGLE TO ALL AND "Pass Bama Pass"!!!!!!!
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| Posted by emma m. shepp on 10-Aug-2005 | TomatoesTheir was a mommy tomato a daddy tomato and a baby tomato. The baby was
falling behide and the mommy bumped the daddy tomato and he fell right back on
the baby and said,"Ketchup!"
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| Posted by Melissa R. Delaat on 10-Aug-2005 | Tee Time In HellThere was this basically-good man who died and appeared before St. Peter at
the Holy Gates. St. Peter checks out his books and discovers that there is a
problem. He says that there is no clear answer in the books on where the man is
supposed to go, Heaven or Hell. He suggests that the man go to Hell and check it
out, so that he may make the decision himself. If he didn't like what he saw
there, he could come back to Heaven.
Well, this man had only one true vice while he was alive. It seems he had an
uncontrollable desire to play golf at any opportunity. He had traveled the world
playing all the famous golf courses.
When the man arrived in Hell, Satan welcomed him, but he too was surprised at
the man's situation. He had assumed that since the question about the man's
ultimate destination wasn't clear, the man would go to Heaven. The man could
just see behind Satan a Most Beautiful Golf Course. It had beautiful trees, blue
ponds, water separating the fairways, everything. The man fell in love with at
at first site, and he couldn't control himself. He just had to play a round.
The devil showed him a wonderful electric golf cart, a perfect leather bag, a
matched set of clubs. Satan reached into his pocket and presented the man with a
Golden Tee. The devil then said that only members could play. The man couldn't
control himself. He just had to play there.
He goes back up to Heaven and tells St. Peter that he has decided to stay in
Hell so he could play on the Beautiful Golf Course there. When the man returns
to Hell, he approaches Satan and asks for a tee time. The devil says that
anytime at all, the man could play. No one else uses the course.
Chuckling with glee, the man approaches the first tee. He gets out of his
beautiful golf cart, reaches for his perfectly matched clubs and selects his
driver, reaches into his pants pocket and pulls out his Golden Tee, then
frantically searches everywhere for a ball.
Satan comes up and the man asks him for a ball.
"That's the Hell of it," says Satan with a devilish laugh.
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| Posted by Bruce Henry on 10-Aug-2005 | HandicapTwo friends had arranged a round of golf and were now on the first tee,
preparing to start their game at 7 a.m. Just as the first was half way up his
backswing, a good looking young lady ran across the course about 10 yards in
front of him, peeling off her clothes as she went until she was totally naked.
As she disappeared into the woods he turned, dazed, to his companion, "What was
that about?!!!"
"Take no notice. Just get on with the game," replied the other.
Settling down and lining up for his drive, the first golfer then noticed four
men in white coats running across the course on a similar track to the young
lady. "What......?!?"
"Look. Just get on with the game," said the second. "We don't have all day,
and you know the course closes at 9 p.m.," the second says with a chuckle.
For the third time the golfer squared up to the ball, only to be distracted by
another man in a white coat running across the fairway, lugging two buckets of
sand. "Now, hold on a minute," said the first golfer, "I'm not playing until you
tell me what's going on."
"OK," said the second. "Just over the wall there is an asylum. The young lady
is a patient who escapes and runs around naked from time to time. The guys in
white coats are chasing her."
"I'll buy that," said the first, "but what's with the guy and the two buckets
of sand?"
"He's the guy who caught her the last time. That's his handicap."
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():sport jokes (950): You Might Enjoy Wrestling Too Much If... |
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| Posted by brandon issler on 10-Aug-2005 | You Might Enjoy Wrestling Too Much If...* You light your bed on fire and fight your brother in it.
* Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and
walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.
* You leapfrog over people while playing football, then you turn around and
clothesline them.
* You publish a shirt that say's, "Jay Leno 1-0 Who's Next?"
* Every time you sit down at a table you consider how easily it might break if
you were to moonsault it.
* You constantly deny that Brian Christopher is your son.
* After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back.
* You chokeslam your cat.
* You elbow smash your dog and turn him/her over for the three count.
* Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper.
* When you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace."
* You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask.
* Instead of opening a can of tuna you open up a can of whoop ass on your cat.
* In the school cafeteria, you come up behind a kid and hit him with a chair
and look around for crowd responses.
* You walk down the aisle at a church giving high fives as the people hold up
signs and chant your name.
* You won't come out of your room until your parents play your theme on the
radio.
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