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| Posted by Jeff J. Friesen on 09-Aug-2005 | Red EyesA cop pulls a guy over.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"
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| Posted by Mindy A. Gotsch on 09-Aug-2005 | No MercyA guy is driving down a deserted highway.
He pulls up to an intersection, and rolls through the stop sign.
From out of nowhere, a cop car pulls him over.
COP: Do you know why I pulled you over?
GUY: Hey, I slowed down, didn't I???
COP: You must come to a full stop at the sign.
GUY: Stop. Slow down. What's the difference?
The cop pulls out his baton and starts to pound the man without mercy.
COP: Well? Do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?
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| Posted by oniyae on 09-Aug-2005 | Fast DrivingTwo men were driving down a city street, as they approach a red stop light, the man driving speeds up and drives through a red light.
Shocked, the passenger yells, "What are you doing!"
The driver just responds in a casual tone, "That's the way my brother drives."
As they continue down the street, they again came upon another red stop light and again the drive speeds through the intersection.
Again the passenger yells, "What are you doing!"
The driver says, "That's the way my brother drives".
Not too long after that, they came upon a green light.
The driver quickly slams on his breaks and comes to a complete stop just before the intersection.
The angry passenger screams, "It's a green light!"
The driver says, "Yes, but my brother might be coming the other way!"
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| Posted by The One on 09-Aug-2005 | Hot Car!You Know Your Car Is Overly Hot When...
10. Scientists dressed in radiation suits are probing your car.
9. Your car develops a shroud of fog when it rains, and is perfectly dry when the rain stops.
8. Your car has a nasty glare from the sun, even at night.
7. You keep finding Cornish game hens freshly roasted on the hood of your car, with a complement of various birds and roasted vegetables on your trunk.
6. Your car spontaneously combusts when you open the door.
5. You spy your co-workers taking a sauna inside your car during lunch break.
4. Your car horn is no longer that deep trucker's horn it once was, but now sounds like a dry rasping wheeze.
3. You could host a barbecue on your dashboard.
2. The police officer attempts to put a ticket on your car, and the ticket burns up as soon as it touches the windshield.
1. The CD hanging from your mirror shrivels like a Shrinky-dink within 10 minutes after you park your car!
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| Posted by Sam Binstead on 09-Aug-2005 | Driving OffenceA man who is driving a car is stopped by a police officer. The following exchange takes place....
The man says "What's the problem officer?"
Officer: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. [Man gives his wife another dirty look.]
Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man turns to his wife and yells: "Shut your damn mouth!"
Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?"
Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk."
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| Posted by Joe Mama on 09-Aug-2005 | Truckers BluesA truck driver is cruising along when he spots a little yellow man standing in the middle of the road, crying.
He brings the truck to a standstill, rolls down the window and asks the little man what's wrong.
"I'm yellow, I'm from Venus, I'm gay and I'm hungry," sobs the little man.
"Well," says the trucker, "I can offer you a sandwich, but that's as much as I can do."
So he passes a sandwich to the little man and drives off. A while later, he has to stop again because there's a little red man in the middle of the road, crying. So he comes to a halt, rolls down the window and a bit more impatiently - asks the little man what the matter is.
"I'm red, I'm from Mars, I'm gay and I'm thirsty," the little man bawls.
So the trucker says, "I can offer you a can of Coke, but that's as much as I can do."
He hands a can of Coke down to the little man and drives off. A little further on, the trucker spots a little blue man in the middle of the road.
Really annoyed now, he stops, rolls down the window and snaps, "Yes, you silly little blue moffie, what fucking planet are you from and what do you want?"
The little man answers, "Your driver's licence, please ....."
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