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| Posted by jake hatesworth on 14-Aug-2005 | RoarOne night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being
introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around
said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our
oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget."
They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a hunting story.
"Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in
Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing.
On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen
tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep.
I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the
bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest lion I ever saw jumped
out of the bushes at me like this, ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! I
tell you, I just shit in my pants." The young men looked astonished and
one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have shit my pants too if a
lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no, not
then, just now when I said ROOOAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted by helen w on 14-Aug-2005 | Do you have a problemA bear decides to go take a shit in the woods. Upon entering the
woods, he sees a rabbit doing the same as he is about to do. So
he takes his shit and notices that he got shit on his hair
again. He asked the rabbit, "Hey rabbit, do you have a problem
with shit sticking to your hair?" The rabbit replied, "No." So
the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him.
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| Posted by stephanie l. gregory on 14-Aug-2005 | Firetruck SirenOne day a man is walking down the street, when he notices a
young boy in a wagon fixed up to look like a firetruck. The man
also notices that the wagon is being pulled by a dog with a rope
attached to his nards! The dog is, of course, howling like a
banshee, and inching along ever so slowly. The man thinks for a
moment, then approaches the boy and says: "You know, son, the
dog would probably pull you faster if you had the rope attached
to his leash." The boy looks up at the man and says: "Well,
yeah, maybe, but then I wouldn't have this really cool siren!"
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| Posted by Orphan Annie on 14-Aug-2005 | Animal TriviaLittle Johny asks the teacher, "How many feathers are there on a bird's
wing?"
The teacher answered, "I don't know."
Little Johny then asked, "How many stripes are there on a bee's body?"
The teacher answered, "I don't know"
Then Little Johny asked, "How many lives does a cat have?"
Happily the teacher answered, "Nine lives."
Little Johny followed up, "How come you know so much about pussy and
nothing about the birds and the bees?"
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| Posted by Charlie Rich on 14-Aug-2005 | Snake TalkTwo snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the
other, "Are we poisonous snakes?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous!
We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."
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| Posted by KaBoOm on 14-Aug-2005 | The Sniffer Dog!A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off, when
another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The
dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking
quizzically at the dog, when the second man explains that they
work for the airline. The dog handler says to the first man,
"Don't mind Rover, he is a 'sniffer dog,' the best there is.
I'll show you when we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out, when the handler says to the
first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search."
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a
woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts
one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy," and turns to
the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of
marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and the seat number for
the police who will apprehend her on arrival." "Fantastic!"
replies the first man.
Once again, he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog
sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns
to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm. He says,
"Good boy," and he turns to the first man and says, "That man is
carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this and the
seat number." "That's marvellous, I've never seen anything like
it!" says the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and
down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and
then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and shits all
over the place. The first man is surprised and disgusted by
this, and asks, "What the hell is going on?"
The handler replies. "He's just found a bomb!"
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