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| Posted by Chris W. Hoover on 09-Aug-2005 | Saying GraceA 4-year-old boy was asked to give the meal blessing before Christmas dinner.
The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one.
Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food.
He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.
Then he paused, and everyone waited, and waited.
After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
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| Posted by MrMatt on 09-Aug-2005 | 3rd GradeOn little Larry's first day of first grade, he raised his hand as soon as the teacher came into the room and said, "I don't belong here, I should be in third grade!"
The teacher looked at little Larry's records and told him to please take his seat.
Not five minutes passed when little Larry stood up again and said, "I don't belong here, I should be in the third grade!"
Larry did this a few more times before the principal came along and the teacher explained Larry's problem.
The principal and the first grade teacher told little Larry that if he could answer some questions that they could decide in which grade he belonged.
Well, they soon discovered that Larry knew all the state capitals and country capitals that the principal could think of.
The teacher suggested they try some biology questions, "What does a cow have 4 of but a woman has only 2?" asked the teacher.
"Legs!" Larry immediately replied.
"What does a man have in his pants that a woman doesn't?' asked the teacher.
"Pockets!" said Larry.
The teacher looked at the principal, who said, "Maybe he should be in third grade, I missed those last two questions!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by BreeBrown
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| Posted by jarmo two on 09-Aug-2005 | 14 year oldA father came in the bedroom to find his 14-year-old daughter smoking a cigarette.
"My God! How long have you been smoking?" screams the father.
"Since I lost my virginity," replies the girl.
"You lost your VIRGINITY!! When the hell did this happen?" shrieks the father.
"I don't remember," says the girl. "I was drunk."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Glaci and Curtis
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| Posted by Daniel Chapman on 09-Aug-2005 | WithdrawalA fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said.
"A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help.
His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A little girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
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| Posted by barry K. tanishi on 09-Aug-2005 | Cow wreckA farmer is helping a cow give birth when he notices his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, witnessing the entire thing.
???Dammit,??? the man says to himself. ???Now I??™m going to have to explain the birds and the bees.??? Not wanting to jump the gun, the man decides to wait and see if his son asks any questions.
After everything is finished, the man walks over to the boy and asks, ???Well, son, do you have any questions????
???Just one,??? the child says. ???How fast was that calf going when it hit that cow????
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo
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| Posted by Chris J. Coyle on 09-Aug-2005 | Father vs sonLittle Johnny's father noticed that Johnny was spending way too much time playing computer games.
In an effort to motivate Little Johnny into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, his father said, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
Little Johnny replied, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was the President of the United States."
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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