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| Posted by Heather R. Winter on 09-Aug-2005 | School dinners"Any complaints?" asked the teacher during school dinner.
"Yes sir," said one bold lad, "these peas are awfully hard, sir."
The master dipped a spoon into the peas on the boy's plate and tasted them.
"They seem soft enough to me," he declared.
"Yes, they are now, I've been chewing them for the last half-hour."
Submitted by Frodo
Submitted by calamjo and Curtis
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| Posted by Keisuke-Kun on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad wordsA mom tells her kid never go to the north or south.
So what does the kid do he goes to the north and hears, 'bitches and bastards', 'bitches and bastards.'
The kid goes back to the mom and asks "Mommy what does 'bitches and bastards' mean?"
The mom says, "Family son, family."
Then he goes to the south and hears, 'big hairy dicks', 'big hairy dicks'.
He goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what does 'big hairy dicks' mean?"
The dad says, "Hats and coats, son, hats and coats."
Then he walks into the bathroom while his dad is shaving and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Shit."
The kid asks his dad, "What does 'shit' mean?"
The dad says, "Shaving, son, shaving."
The kid says, "Ok."
The kid walks into the kitchen where his mom is carving the turkey, and she cuts herself and says, 'Fuck'.
The kid asks, "Mommy what does 'fuck' mean?"
She says, "Carving the turkey, son, carving the turkey."
Then there's a knock on the door and his mom asks, "Oh, will you get that? It's your cousins."
So he answers the door and says, "Hey bitches and bastards hang your big hairy dicks in the closet, dad's in the bathroom shiting and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Submitted by Hello
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by pyro_chaos78102 on 09-Aug-2005 | Private schoolA pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school.
On day one the whole family are there to see the boy begin his first day.
The grocer, his family in tow, saunter into the principals office and introduces himself.
"I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates."
"Oh, does he?" asks the bemused principal. "We will soon get him out of that habit."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Alex C on 09-Aug-2005 | Potty trainingLittle Johnny was just being potty trained, and his mom tried this new method with 6 steps:
1. Unbutton pants.
2. Pull pants down.
3. Pull foreskin back.
4. Pee.
5. Push foreskin forward.
6. Pull pants up and button.
She walked past the bathroom one day and heard Johnny
saying, "1,2,3,4,5,6" and she was thinking she did good.
Then she walked past the next day and heard him saying real fast 3-5,3-5,3-5...
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by Marvin Tapessur on 09-Aug-2005 | Whats a periodThe kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.
Eventually little Johnny's turn came. Little Johnny walked up to the front of the class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, waited a short time and make a second small white dot next to the first.
Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.
'It's a period,' reported Johnny.
'Yes, I can understand that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'
'Damned if I know,' said Johnny, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mummy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.'
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| Posted by korn_kid on 08-Aug-2005 | Red wagonLittle Jane was sitting in her red wagon with her dad's fireman hat on, and her father walked by and said man that sure is a fine fire engine you have there.. all you need is a hose, a siren and a motor, and it would be perfect.
The next day her father walks by her again and now she has her hose strapped to the side, a dog tied to the front, and a cat tied to the back.
He says, "Wow! That really looks like a fire engine now, but I think you were also suppose to tie the cat in the front and she says "Then how would I have a siren?"
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