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| Posted by ryanjenkins on 10-Aug-2005 | SchoolAs long as there are tests, there will be prayer
in public schools.
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| Posted by Nikki L. Heller on 10-Aug-2005 | Talkin' Walkin' Kids"We spend the first twelve months of our children's
lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next
twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up."
-Phyllis Diller
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| Posted by Sarah H. Griffin on 10-Aug-2005 | OuthouseOnce there was a little boy who lived in the country. They had to use an
outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer,cold in
the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting
on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that
outhouse into the creek.
One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided
today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick
and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated
away.
That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper.
Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad
replied,"Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you,
wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said,
"Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree
and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth."
The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry
tree."
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| Posted by luke s. heald on 10-Aug-2005 | Happy valentines dayLittle melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they
learned about the history of valentine's day. "since valentine's day is for a
christian saint and we're jewish," she asks, "will god get mad at me for giving
someone a valentine?"
melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "no, i don't think god would get mad.
who do you want to give a valentine to?"
"osama bin laden," she says.
"why osama bin laden?" her father asks in shock.
"well," she says, "i thought that if a little american jewish girl
could have enough love to give osama a valentine, he might start to think that
maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. and if
other kids saw what i did and sent valentines to osama, he'd love everyone a
lot. and then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he
loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore.! "
her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with newfound pride.
"melissa, that's the most wonderful thing i've ever heard."
"i know," melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, the marines
could blow the s*** out of him."
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| Posted by Serena N. Tsukino on 10-Aug-2005 | Laughing BabyA baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal,
except that he was laughing - I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and
nurses were examining the little guy in front of his worried parents. He just
kept on laughing; his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One
at a time, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all
right, and guess what he found?
Scroll down.
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The birth control pill.
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| Posted by Hardy Boy on 10-Aug-2005 | How Old Are You?A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl
asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women
don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then
asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's
another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another
question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little
annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me
very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated,
sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with
her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend said,
"All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just
a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little
girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with,
"Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years
old." The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know
that?" The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you
weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl said,
"I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in
sex."
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