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| Posted by Jaz on 09-Aug-2005 | Sex Ed.Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board.
"Does anyone know what this is?" She asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!"
"Two of them?!" the teacher asked.
"Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"
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| Posted by sly guy on 09-Aug-2005 | Letters to GodACTUAL 'DEAR GOD' LETTERS (Letters to God from children)
Dear God, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma
Dear God, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones you have now? Jane
Dear God, Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan
Dear God, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay? Neil
Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce
Dear God, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (but I am not going to tell you who I am)
Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce
Dear God, If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton, because I hate her. Denise
Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. Sam
Dear God, I think the stapler is one of your greatest inventions. Ruth
Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying. Elliott
Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. Nan
Dear God, Of all the people who worked for you, I like Noah and David the best. Rob
Dear God, My brother told me about being born, but it doesn't sound right.
Dear God, If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes. Mickey
Dear God, We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School, we learned that you did it. So I bet he stole your idea. Sincerely, Donna
Dear God, I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. Charles
Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! Eugene
Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry
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| Posted by jacob m on 09-Aug-2005 | Cheerios!6 year old Marilyn and 4 year old Little Johnny were upstairs playing in their play room. Marilyn said "I think it's about time we start swearing. Don't you?"
Little Johnny nodded in agreement.
Marilyn said "Ok, I say 'ass' and you say 'hell.'"
Little Johnny again nodded his head in agreement and they went downstairs for breakfast. Their mom asked Marilyn what she wants to eat.
Marilyn replied "Well hell mom, I'll have some Cheerios."
Her mom spanked her and sent her to her room. She then asked Little Johnny what he wanted for breakfast.
Little Johnny said "I don't know, but you bet your ass it won't be Cheerios!"
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| Posted by Heather R. Winter on 09-Aug-2005 | School dinners"Any complaints?" asked the teacher during school dinner.
"Yes sir," said one bold lad, "these peas are awfully hard, sir."
The master dipped a spoon into the peas on the boy's plate and tasted them.
"They seem soft enough to me," he declared.
"Yes, they are now, I've been chewing them for the last half-hour."
Submitted by Frodo
Submitted by calamjo and Curtis
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| Posted by Keisuke-Kun on 09-Aug-2005 | Bad wordsA mom tells her kid never go to the north or south.
So what does the kid do he goes to the north and hears, 'bitches and bastards', 'bitches and bastards.'
The kid goes back to the mom and asks "Mommy what does 'bitches and bastards' mean?"
The mom says, "Family son, family."
Then he goes to the south and hears, 'big hairy dicks', 'big hairy dicks'.
He goes to his dad and asks, "Dad, what does 'big hairy dicks' mean?"
The dad says, "Hats and coats, son, hats and coats."
Then he walks into the bathroom while his dad is shaving and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Shit."
The kid asks his dad, "What does 'shit' mean?"
The dad says, "Shaving, son, shaving."
The kid says, "Ok."
The kid walks into the kitchen where his mom is carving the turkey, and she cuts herself and says, 'Fuck'.
The kid asks, "Mommy what does 'fuck' mean?"
She says, "Carving the turkey, son, carving the turkey."
Then there's a knock on the door and his mom asks, "Oh, will you get that? It's your cousins."
So he answers the door and says, "Hey bitches and bastards hang your big hairy dicks in the closet, dad's in the bathroom shiting and mom's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
Submitted by Hello
Edited by Curtis
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| Posted by pyro_chaos78102 on 09-Aug-2005 | Private schoolA pompous self made grocer named Bates gets his son into an expensive private school.
On day one the whole family are there to see the boy begin his first day.
The grocer, his family in tow, saunter into the principals office and introduces himself.
"I am Sir Shortweight Bates. This is my wife, Lady Bates, my daughter Miss Bates and my son Master Bates."
"Oh, does he?" asks the bemused principal. "We will soon get him out of that habit."
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis
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