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| Posted by linkin park on 10-Aug-2005 | She's much betterDuring preseason training, a college football lineman married one of the
team's cheerleaders.
The coach was a bit surprised and remarked to his star football player, "You
are such a big, burley guy. Why in the world did you marry such a tiny, petite
woman? She is no bigger than your hand."
"That's right, Coach," replied the lineman. "But, she's much better!"
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| Posted by Jim henswot on 10-Aug-2005 | No one ever says:No one ever says:
"It's only a game,"when their team is winning.
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():sport jokes (950): Quotes From Sports Personalities - Part I |
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| Posted by Amanda Ussell on 10-Aug-2005 | Quotes From Sports Personalities - Part INew Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I
want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say, "I'd run over my own mother to
win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over
Joe's mom, too."
Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football
should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on
all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss
goodbye."
Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the
team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto
the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured
reserve players out for the toss next time." (1981)
Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at
Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15
hadn't been colored yet." (1991)
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| Posted by Jake Russell on 10-Aug-2005 | FOOTBALL LINGOA guy comes home from the bar drunk one night around 3 in the morning. His
wife is sleeping and he is trying to sneak into bed. He??™s lying in bed for a few
minutes and cuts a fart. His wife wakes up and asks, "What in the world was
that?"
He replies, "Touchdown, I am winning 7 nothing."
She thinks to her, "I??™m going to fix him." then she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "what was that?"
She replies "touchdown, tie score."
Now he thinks, "I??™m gonna fix her." he's laying there for about 10 minutes
trying to work one up. He tries so hard he s**** in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replied, "half time, switch sides."
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| Posted by bethany on 10-Aug-2005 | 2000 BEARS SCHEDULESeptember
15................Tefft Junior High School
22................Cub Scout Troop #101
29................Chicago Blind Academy
October
6.................Spanish American War Vets
13................Crippled Children's Home
20................Elgin Mental Hospital
27................Girl Scout Troop # 353
November
3..................Illinois Venereal Disease Clinic
10.................Cicero Boys Choir
17.................Korean Amputees
SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME
December
9..................Wrigleyville Gay Boys Club
** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - When playing polio patients, the Bears must not disconnect knee braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy, the Bears must not hide the football under
their jerseys.
** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR **
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line for all
you Bears fans that have never seen this ) it is still worth 6 points.
2 - The Bears will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Bears will be allowed to substitute with band members at any time.
4 - The Bears will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the opposing
team.
5 - The Bears will be awarded a first down with each gain of three
yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.
** NAME CHANGE **
The Chicago Bears will be changed to the "Chicago Tampons" as they are only
good for one period and have no second string.
** COACHING CHANGES **
Dave Wannstedt will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She will no doubt blow a
few, but she certainly won't choke on the big ones!!!
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| Posted by ginageeluv on 10-Aug-2005 | THE DIE HARD FANThere was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl.
He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was
somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was WAY up
there. He couldn't see the game, so he began looking around.
Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He
reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was
seating there.
The man replied, "No." So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.
"Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?"
The man answers, "Oh, that was my wife's seat."
"Where is she?" the guy replied.
"She died."
"Oh, I'm sorry...don't you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or
friend?"
"No, they couldn't come."
"Why?"
"Because they are at her funeral."
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