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():other funny jokes (4827): Signs...


Posted by ashley m. corrado on 14-Aug-2005

Signs...

Sign in a Laundromat
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT
GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR
FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN


In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE
DRAINING BOARD

On a church door:
THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN. ENTER YE ALL BY THIS DOOR. (THIS DOOR IS KEPT
LOCKED BECAUSE OF THE DRAFT. PLEASE USE SIDE DOOR.)


Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR
WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Outside a photographer's studio:
OUT TO LUNCH: IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT FOR DINNER ALSO


Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
ANYONE LEAVING THEIR GARMENTS HERE FOR MORE THAN 30 DAYS WILL BE DISPOSED
OF.

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE
FIRST FLOOR

Notice in a field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

Sign on a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)

Spotted in a toilet in a London office block:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

   

3 people have rated this joke:
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():other funny jokes (4827): May the fleas of a thousand camels infest...


Posted by Some One on 07-Aug-2005

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest...

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
   

3 people have rated this joke:
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():other funny jokes (4827): Through The Desert O


Posted by Dan Becker on 09-Aug-2005

Through The Desert O

A man was in a bad accident and was injured. But the only permanent damage he suffered was the loss of both ears, which made him very self-conscious. However, he received a large sum of money from his insurance company.

It was always his dream to own his own

business, so he went out and purchased a small, but expanding computer firm. But he realized that he had no business knowledge at all, so he decided that he would have to hire someone

to run the business. He picked out three top candidates, and interviewed each of them. The last question of the interview was always the same.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

he asked the first candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the first candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

he asked the second candidate.

"Yes. You have no ears."

He quickly eliminated the second candidate.

"Do you notice anything unusual about me?"

he asked the third candidate.

"Yes. You're wearing contacts."

Thinking he had found the man for the job he said, "That's correct. How did you know?"

"You can't wear glasses if you don't have ears."


   

2 people have rated this joke:
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():other funny jokes (4827): X-ray Exam


Posted by Angel S. Pecherskaya on 09-Aug-2005

X-ray Exam

The medical student was shocked when he received a failing grade in radiology. Approaching the professor, he demanded to know the reason for the grade.

"You know the self X-ray you took?"

asked the professor.

"I do."

said the student.

"A fine picture," the professor said, "of your lungs, stomach, and liver."



"If it's a fine picture, then why did you give me an F?"

asked the student

"I had no choice," said the professor.

"You didn't put your heart in it."


   

3 people have rated this joke:
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():other funny jokes (4827): Mahatma Gandhi


Posted by Corny Da Cob on 09-Aug-2005
Mahatma Gandhi
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

All of these attributes made him.....

A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
   

3 people have rated this joke:
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():other funny jokes (4827): What do you call a blind deer?


Posted by Ben C. Bays on 10-Aug-2005
What do you call a blind deer?
Q: What do you call a blind deer?
A: "No-eye deer".
   

15 people have rated this joke:
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