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| Posted by Don J. Salcido on 09-Aug-2005 | Silly DrunkA police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.
He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then, we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar."
"All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm drunk."
Submitted by Calamjo
Editted Christine
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| Posted by Maureen Miner on 09-Aug-2005 | Alabama Speed TrapA man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"
"Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man.
"Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied.
The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
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| Posted by Mikah B. Horn on 09-Aug-2005 | Zipper AlertA young woman in a REALLY skimpy skirt was at the bus stop. When the bus arrived and the doors opened she tried to climb the steps. However, her skirt was too tight and her legs couldn't move. So, she reached behind her and undid her zipper.
She tried to step up again, and still couldn't, so she reached behind again and played with the zipper.
She tried to climb the steps again...still no luck. So, as she reached behind again, a pair of strong hands picked her up and placed her on the top step.
"What do you think you're doing?", she asked the guy behind her.
"Well, I figured the second time you undid my fly we were at least good friends!"
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| Posted by Smart Fool on 09-Aug-2005 | Dead PoliticiansA busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
After seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."
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| Posted by hello there on 09-Aug-2005 | Being A Truck DriverThe Boy Who Wanted to Be a Truck Driver
One day, a little boy goes into the candy shop and orders five pounds of "m-n-m's",.
The lady at the counter asked him "Don't you mean five bags?"
He said "No, i want five pounds."
She was reluctant, but measured them out, put them in a bag and handed them to the little boy. He paid for them, and went outside and sat on the curb.
He ate a few m-n-m's, and a cat walks by.
He picks up the cat and takes a big bite out of it.
He moves a little further down the curb, and does it all over again.
After the little boy did this about 15-20 times, the lady in the candy store starts to wonder.
She goes outside and asks the little boy "What in the hell are you doing?"
The little boy gives her this answer "I am learning how to be a truck driver like my daddy. I'm popping pills, eating pussy, and moving' down the line."
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| Posted by Shabauddin S. Ahmed on 09-Aug-2005 | Gator CountryWhile sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
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