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| Posted by John C. Kober on 14-Aug-2005 | Small WorldTwo guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking
their time and are slowing the men down.
So one man says to his friend, "I'm gonna go ask those ladies if we can
play through." He starts walking toward them, but about halfway there, he
turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.
He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress.
Why don't you go talk to them?"
So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns
around.
When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?" To this he
replies, "It's a small world."
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| Posted by deta H. van Hees on 14-Aug-2005 | God vs. Green BayBrett Favre, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God
was showing him around.
They came to a modest little house with a faded Packers flag in the window.
"This house is yours for eternity, Brett," said God. "This is very
special; not everyone gets a house up here."
Brett felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the
porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3-story
mansion with a Black and Gold sidewalk, 50 foot tall flagpole with an
enormous Steelers logo flag, and in every window, a terrible towel.
Brett looked at God and said "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I
have a question. I was an all-pro QB, I won the Super Bowl, and I even
went to the hall of fame."
God said "so what do you want to know, Brett?"
"Well, why does Kordell Stewart get a better house than me?"
God chuckled and said, "Brett, that's not Kordell Stewart's house, it's
mine."
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| Posted by Vikie Brighton on 14-Aug-2005 | The HookerAs the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night, the groom
says to his bride, "Honey, I have a confession to make. I'm a golf addict.
I play whenever I have a minute. I can't get enough of it. you'll probably
never see me on the weekends."
His bride looked a little uneasy and then said, "Honey I have a confession
also...I'm a hooker."
"No problem." Replied the groom, "Just keep your left arm straight and
keep that head down. Yu'll be hitting them straight in no time."
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| Posted by Cornelius on 14-Aug-2005 | Golf AdvicesSupermodel Kate Moss is serious about taking up golf
Unfortunately all her supermodel friends neither have the time
nor interest she does to get out and play. So poor Kate is
forced to hit the links solo and play with whomever she can.
Being a marginal athlete at best, Kate finds it very difficult
to break a 100 in a round where ever she plays. And being a
perfectionist, over time this begins to frustrate her to no end.
One afternoon, Kate shows up at the Prince Course in Kaui,
Hawaii by herself and finds a threesome of local men to play
with. From the start Kate explains her frustration to the
strangers, and welcomes their suggestions and helpful hints to
improve her game so that she may finally break 100. Devastated
by her overwhelming beauty, the three men are more than willing
to help her in any way they can, and offer up all their best
advise as the day goes on. Luckily for Kate their helpful advise
pays off, and as the foursome approaches the par 4 18th, Ms Moss
has a 95 and only needs to par the hole to finally break 100.
Kate is ecstatic, and with the mens help she reaches the green
in 3, and has only a 4 foot putt for par. This being the most
important putt of life, and the only thing that matters to her
in the whole world at that moment, she turns to the three men
and says: "whomever gives me the best advise on how to sink this
putt, will be rewarded with the blowjob of lifetime from me on
the spot, a hummer you will be able to tell your grand children
about!"
After a day of getting to know Ms Moss, there was little doubt
in the their minds, that she was very serious about that offer,
and it was not questioned.
The three men stood shell shocked, barley able to speak, then
one man said: "you have a 6 inch break to the left, play that
and you'll sink it." Kate nodded her head, acknowledging the
advise, and then turned to look at the second man for his input.
The second man realized he not only had to think quickly, but he
had to come up with a different recommendation to win this
coveted prize. Just the thought of Kate Moss slurping on his hog
on the 18th of the Prince Course, left him absolute brain dead
and almost speechless. Kate getting impatient said: "well, what
do you think?" Feeling rushed now, he blurted out "straight
shot, no break, nice and easy." Kate raised her eyebrows, a
little surprised and confused then turned to look at the shot
again. As she studied the shot, she asked the third man for his
advise. Not hearing a reply, she turned to look at the third man
standing behind her. The mans shorts and underwear were already
at his ankles, and his sausage was saluting her proudly. Then a
with a shit eating grin on his face, the third man said: "That's
a gimme!"
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| Posted by bobybo on 14-Aug-2005 | Gay GolfersThere were these two gay golfers playing golf on a Sunday afternoon. There
were a group of rednecks behind them, who were always hitting the queers
with the golf balls.
One of the queers says to the other, next time they hit us, fall down and
act like you are hurt, cause we are going to sue them rednecks. Well, sure
enough, the one of the balls hits one of the queers and he falls down and
starts flopping all around.
The group of rednecks come up and asks what the problem is. The queer
says, you hit my friend with the ball and he is hurt bad. We are going to
sue you all. One of the rednecks says, "Aw, suck my dick. Well, the queer
tells the other queer to get up, because they are going to settle out of
court."
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| Posted by Megan L. Schmied on 14-Aug-2005 | Ski PracticeIt's time for skiing again! Do the following exercises to prepare for the
real experience!
16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for
a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.
15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use.
14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head
before you go to bed each night.
13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the
lenses.
12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill now.
11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski
boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are
looking for your car. Sporadically drop things.
10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed
ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
8. Secure one of your ankles to a bed post and ask a friend to run into
you at high speed.
7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure
you are in the longest line.
6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle
fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
5. Drive slowly for five hours, anywhere, as long as it's in a snowstorm
and you're following an 18 wheeler.
4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast
your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into
your clothes.
3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them
off because you have to go to the bathroom.
2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for
the real thing!
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