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| Posted by Pink Mist on 09-Aug-2005 | Snail visits barThe landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell.
He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there. "What do you want?" asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink.
"Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, kicks the snail and slams the door.
..... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there. "What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.
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| Posted by Jeremy Mrotek on 13-Aug-2005 | Woman wearing nylons.How can you tell when a woman is wearing nylons? Her ankles puff up when she farts!
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| Posted by Vince Carter on 09-Aug-2005 | No natural lightThis guy walks into the bar and tells the bartender he wants a beer, "anything but Natural light".
Why not Natural Light the bartender say's, "you always drink Natural Light"?
"Not anymore, buddy, last night I got so Drunk on natural Light, I went home and blew chunks".
Well, the bartender say's, everybody does that when they get that drunk, you know, that??™s no big deal...
"You don??™t understand, buddy, Chunks is my dog!"
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| Posted by chris on 09-Aug-2005 | Ladies ToiletA rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.
When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy.
'Are you the manager?' she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replies.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she says, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathes the barman, clearly aroused. 'Is there anything I can do?'
???Yes there is. I need you to give him a message,' she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them. 'Tell him,' she says, 'that there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies' toilet.'
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| Posted by KharmaQueen on 09-Aug-2005 | Bar pickupWhile nursing a drink at a bar, a young woman was distressed to see a drunken unkept man sit down next to her.
"Say, honey-baby ... I'd really like t'get into those pants o'yours."
"Thanks," she shot back, "but I've already got an asshole in there."
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2 people have rated this joke: |
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| Posted by Marie-Eve Gagne on 09-Aug-2005 | Gay barThis man walks into a Gay Bar not knowing it's a gay bar and sits down at a table some gay guy walks up to him and says "Wanna play football"
The man says okay and thay go behind the bar the gay guy says "alright a burp is a touch down and a fart is a field goal.
So the man says I'm goin' for the feild goal and the gay guy gets a small grin on his face, the man bends over and is about to fart and the gay guy butt f***s him the man goes what the hell why you do that.
The gay guy says I was trying to block your field goal.
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