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| Posted by Charlie Rich on 14-Aug-2005 | Snake TalkTwo snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the
other, "Are we poisonous snakes?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we're poisonous!
We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue."
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| Posted by KaBoOm on 14-Aug-2005 | The Sniffer Dog!A man is sitting in a plane which is about to take off, when
another man with a dog occupies the empty seats alongside. The
dog is sat in the middle, and the first man is looking
quizzically at the dog, when the second man explains that they
work for the airline. The dog handler says to the first man,
"Don't mind Rover, he is a 'sniffer dog,' the best there is.
I'll show you when we get airborne and I set him to work."
The plane takes off and levels out, when the handler says to the
first man, "Watch this." He tells the dog, "Rover, search."
The dog jumps down, walks along the aisle and sits next to a
woman for a few seconds. It then returns to its seat and puts
one paw on the handler's arm. He says, "Good boy," and turns to
the first man and says, "That woman is in possession of
marijuana, so I'm making a note of this and the seat number for
the police who will apprehend her on arrival." "Fantastic!"
replies the first man.
Once again, he sends the dog to search the aisles. The dog
sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds, returns
to its seat and places both paws on the handler's arm. He says,
"Good boy," and he turns to the first man and says, "That man is
carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of this and the
seat number." "That's marvellous, I've never seen anything like
it!" says the first man.
Once again he sends the dog to search the aisles. He goes up and
down the plane and after a while sits down next to someone, and
then comes racing back and jumps up onto the seat and shits all
over the place. The first man is surprised and disgusted by
this, and asks, "What the hell is going on?"
The handler replies. "He's just found a bomb!"
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| Posted by Pyrochic on 14-Aug-2005 | No Fishing BaitHaving arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon
realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he
happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched
him up again and poured a little beer down his throat and went
about his fishing. An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug
at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three
more worms.
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| Posted by Shen Singh on 14-Aug-2005 | Talking ParrotA guy goes and buys a parrot. The parrot can speak really well.
The guy takes the parrot into a pub and bets everyone that the
parrot can talk well. He gets the odds of 30 to 1. He is just
about to boast about the parrot but the parrot won't talk. He is
furious and goes home and yells at the parrot. He raps his hands
around the parrots neck when the parrot says, "STOP! Just think
of the odds you'll get tomorrow night."
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| Posted by Lindsey L. D on 14-Aug-2005 | Any Gators?While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized
his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him
clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting and old beachcomber
standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any
gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the
shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the
gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."
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| Posted by Scott Mcrae on 14-Aug-2005 | Dog PoundThere were 3 dogs in a cage at a dog pound and they were discussing why
they were in there. One dog said that he was being put to sleep beacause
he drank out of the toilet. Another dog was being put to sleep beacause he
tore up the newspaper. The third dog said he was in there because his
owner dropped her towel and went to pick it up and he couldn't resist and
started humping her. The other dogs said that they understood why he was
being put to sleep. But the dog said, "I'm not being put to sleep, I'm
getting my nails trimmed!"
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