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| Posted by Mahildabob Millicent on 10-Aug-2005 | So they won't step on the fish.Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So they won't step on the fish.
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| Posted by Salman S. Dossa on 13-Aug-2005 | Penguins in the shower.Two penguins were in the shower and one dropes the soap and he asks the other one,"Hey can you get that?" and the other one says,"What do I look like... A TOASTER?"
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():animal jokes (1719): what do you call a donkey with no legs... |
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| Posted by The Metroid on 13-Aug-2005 | what do you call a donkey with no legs...what do you call a donkey with no legs
an:WONKEY!
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| Posted by shawn Nibble on 13-Aug-2005 | GwapesA duck walks into a store and walks up to the clerk behind the counter,the clerk says "May I help you?" "Got any gwapes?" says the duck. "No I am sorry." Says the clerk. So the duck leaves and comes back the next day and to the same clerk says "Got any gwapes?" "No!" says the clerk "We still do not have any grapes"So the duck goes home and the next day comes back and once again they do not have grapes!So the clerk in frustration says"Look we do not and will not have any grapes if you come back and ask me again i will staple your mouth shut and staple your feet to the ground!"So the next day the duck comes back and goes to the same clerk and says "Got any staples?" "No." Says the clerk "Good!" Says the duck "Got any gwapes?"
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| Posted by Dan B. Jamison on 13-Aug-2005 | Talking Duck
A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.
The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."
"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.
"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.
"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"
"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"
"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.
So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.
"Marvellous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."
So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"
"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"
"At the circus" says the bartender.
"The circus?" the duck enquires.
"That's right," replies the bartender.
"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.
"That's right!" says the bartender.
The duck looks confused and asks: "What the fuck do they want with a plasterer?"
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| Posted by Paul C. Rudge on 14-Aug-2005 | Man's Best FriendA guy comes home from work and as soon as he closes the door he hears his bed squeaking. He walks up the stairs and into the bedroom and finds his wife on top screwing his best friend. In a fit of rage, the guy goes and gets his gun and shoots his wife in the back of her head.
Feeling sudden remorse, he calls the police and tells him what he did. When the police arrive and he explains what happened, the officer asks if he shot his best friend as well.
"No" he replies.
"Did you say anything to him?" the officer asked.
"Yes" he replies.
"Well, what did you say to him?" the officer asked.
"Bad Dog!"
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