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| Posted by Nathan Paxton on 09-Aug-2005 | Sotally ToberStarkle starkle little twink who the hell you are I think I'm not under what you call the alcofluence of incohol I'm just a little slort of sheep I'm not drunk like tinkle peep I don't know who is me yet but the drunker I stand here the longer I get Just give me one more drink to fill me cup 'cuz I got all day sober to Sunday up.
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| Posted by Draco Malfoy on 09-Aug-2005 | The Budweiser MethodThese three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they "discuss" her "rating," which is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, "I'd give her a 7. She's really quite pretty."
Another agrees, and so does the third. The bartender, while bringing a new round of drinks to their table, overhears their rating of the young lass. He checks her out himself and says, "Nah, I'd only give her a 3."
"A 3? How can you give her a 3?"
says one of the three guys at the table.
"She's a real pretty girl."
The bartender, walking away, says, "Well, I use the Budweiser method for rating women."
The guys look at each other, figure the bartender has lousy taste in women, and go back to their ratings. Moments later, another young lady, prettier than the last, walks into the bar, and they confer between themselves and decide she deserves a 9. However, the bartender, wiping off the table nearest to theirs, again overhears their rating of the gal. He checks her out himself and tells the fellows that he'd only give her a 5.
"A 5? How can you give her just a 5? She's absolutely gorgeous!" The bartender casually replies that he uses the Budweiser method for rating women.
"The Budweiser method?"
they puzzle, as the bartender returns to his post behind the bar. They are quite confused.
Three, maybe four minutes pass by, and then a stunning blonde, 5'11" goddess walks into the bar. Long luscious legs, sexy shape. Truly a work of flawless perfection. Without hesitation, the three "judges" at the table determine that this young sultress is, without any doubt, a 10. However, carrying a case of beer pass them to restock the supply behind the bar, the bartender once more overhears their rating of the girl. He glances studiously at her, and says that the best, the very best that he could give her, would be a 7.
"A 7? How in the world could you give her just a mere 7? She's gorgeous!" "Well," says the bartender again, "I use the Budweiser method for rating women."
"Budweiser!" says one of the guys, exasperated.
"What in the Hell is this 'Budweiser method' for rating women?"
"Well, says the bartender, "the Budweiser method for rating women, is the number of Clydesdales it would take to pull me off her.
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| Posted by Mark P. Wyner on 09-Aug-2005 | Can I Smell SomethinA guy goes into a bar and seats himself next to a hot looking woman. After a few drinks he musters the courage to talk to her. After a few more drinks and a little conversation he leans over to the woman and asks, "Can I smell your Pussy?"
The woman is outraged and answers with a stern, "Of course not!"
The drunk man replies......."
Oh, then it must be your feet."
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| Posted by frank a. magallanes on 09-Aug-2005 | The Asylum Loonies..One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I'm a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I'm trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don't I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You'll have some customers and my patients will have a night out."
Well, the publican isn't sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees.
So, the following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics.
He says to the publican, "They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I'll settle up at closing time."
The barman has a great time selling loads of drinks and encouraging the loonies to eat chips and peanuts. The loonies have a great time, getting drunk and paying for their drinks with empty Coke cans, banana peels, used tea bags and plastic shopping bags.
At closing time the barman adds up the bill and it comes to just over two hundred dollars! The guy with the glasses and the tweed jacket starts to organize the loonies ready to take them back to the asylum. Finally he comes over and asks for the bill. The publican, feeling that he's charged them rather a lot and feeling he should do his bit to help these poor unfortunate people gives him a discount.
"Let's call It $150," he says.
The guy in the tweed jacket smiles and says, "That's fine. Have you got change for a garbage can?"
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| Posted by Aleksandar Pavlovic on 09-Aug-2005 | Getting Served at aThe landlord of a pub, is just locking up, when there's a ring on the doorbell. He opens the door, and there's a snail sitting there.
"What do you want?"
asks the landlord.
The snail replies that he wants a drink."
Go away, we're closed, and we don't serve snails anyway".
The snail pleads and pleads with the barman to give it a drink, at which the landlord gets fed up, picks the snail up, throws it as far as he can, and then slams the door shut.
..... Exactly one year later, he's locking up again, and there's a ring at the doorbell. The landlord opens the door, and looks down to see a snail sitting there.
"What do you want" says the landlord.
"What did you do that for" says the snail.
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| Posted by Pablo The Spicy Latin on 09-Aug-2005 | My First TimeA guy walks into a bar and orders twelve shots of the best whiskey in the house. The bartender proceeds to fill twelve shot glasses and stares , puzzled, at the guy as he begins to drink them down, one by one. As the guy is finishing the eleventh shot, the bartender asks, "What's the occasion?"
The guy says,
"I'm celebrating my first blowjob!", as he finishes off the last shot.
"Well," says the bartender, "in that case, here have one on the house " and he fills another shot glass.
"No thanks," says the guy, "If twelve didn't get the taste out of my mouth, one more won't!"
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