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| Posted by WilloLuvsSocks on 14-Aug-2005 | Special OlympicsWhat is better than getting a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Having arms and legs.
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| Posted by Dinesh SJ on 14-Aug-2005 | Michael IrvinMichael Irvin was complaining to Calvin Williams about his first trip to the Super Bowl and how hard it was to get any sleep the night before the big game. "I was awakened at one, two and four in the morning by a drunk cheerleader banging on the door and screaming," he recalled.
"That's terrible," said Williams. "How'd you ever get any sleep?"
"At five o'clock I finally unlocked the door and let her out," replied Irvin.
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| Posted by Katiekate m. Star on 10-Aug-2005 | WitchcraftIn primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and
yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called
golf.
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():sport jokes (950): Ski Season-Top 10 Ways to Pretend |
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| Posted by Al Coates on 14-Aug-2005 | Ski Season-Top 10 Ways to PretendThis is to remind skiers how to prepare for the ski season and
to remind non-skiers why they do not ski.
10. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in
freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills
to warm up.
9. Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20
times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory
bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car.
8. For ski boot simulation at home, put a pebble in your street
shoes and tighten a C-clamp around your toes.
7. Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
6. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $6.50 for a hamburger.
Be sure to wait in the longest line.
5. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a
motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face.
4. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a
snowstorm and you're following an 18 wheeler.
3. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the
spray blast your face. You'd almost believe you're skiing in
front of a snow maker!
2. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to
take them off because you have to go to the bathroom.
1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday.
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| Posted by Derek Nastase on 10-Aug-2005 | MancunianQ: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.
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| Posted by Nina! on 11-Aug-2005 | Dallas Cowboy put-downs galore!Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Playoffs?
A: The Dallas Cowboys
Q: How many players did the Cowboys dress for their last game?
A: 22. The rest dressed themselves.
Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known Felons.
I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on "grass".
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System".
Yes, your Honor, No, your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 8 and 8 season this year.
8 arrests, 8 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator; Johnny Cochran.
Q: What's the difference between a Cowboys fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.
A woman in Dallas calls 911. When the officer answers the phone the woman is hysterical and tells the cop that a man has just broken into her home and she thinks he intends to rape her. The officer explain that they are just extremely busy at the moment and tells her "Just get the guy's jersey number and we'll get back to you."
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