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| Posted by Grace Littlehales on 09-Aug-2005 | Speed CameraA policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeding motorists but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem.
A 10-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand-painted sign that read 'Radar Trap Ahead'. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading 'Tips' and a bucket full of change.
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| Posted by Katiekate m. Star on 09-Aug-2005 | Out of gasA little girl asks her mum,
'Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?'
Mum says,
'No, because the dog is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asks the child.
'Go ask your Father. I think he's in the garage'.
The little girl goes to the garage and says.
'Dad, can I take Susie for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was in heat and that I should ask you.'
Dad says,
'Bring Susie over here.' He takes a rag, soaks it with gasoline, and scrubs the dog's rear with it and says, 'OK, you can go now but keep Susie on the leash and only go onetime around the block.'
The little girl leaves and returns a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Dad says, 'Where's Susie"'
The little girl says,
'Susie ran out of gas about halfway down the block and there's another dog pushing her home.'
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| Posted by Sweet Laurita on 09-Aug-2005 | In the navy'Mummy, Mummy. I was at the playground and Daddy and...' Mummy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the stop, so Little Johnny tells her.
'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane.
`I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy'
At this point Mummy cut him off and says, Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.'
At the dinner table, Mummy asks Little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny starts his story, describing the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and '... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Navy.'
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| Posted by missee d. on 09-Aug-2005 | ContagiousA teacher asks her class to use the word contagious.
Roland, the class swot, gets up and says, 'Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious.'
'Well done Roland,' says the teacher. 'Can anyone else try?'
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails says, 'My Gran says there's a bug going round and it's contagious.'
'Well done, Katie,' says the teacher. 'Anyone else?'
Little Johnny jumps up and says, 'Our next door neighbor is painting his house with a 4 cm brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious.'
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| Posted by Justin Andre on 09-Aug-2005 | Jonny get the goodsLittle Johnny was walking down the road one day and an old man was sitting on his front porch rocking back and forth in his rocking chair.
The old man said, 'Whatcha got there, son?'
Johnny said, 'Got me some chicken wire.'
'Whatcha gonna do with that chicken wire, son?' asked the old man.
'Gonna catch me some chickens,' said Johnny.
'You can't catch chickens with chicken wire,' said the oldster.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and walked on down the street. About half an hour later, Johnny came back passing the old man's front porch with three chickens entangled in the chicken wire.
The old man was shocked and couldn't believe his eyes.
A little later Johnny passed the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?'
'Got me some duct tape.'
'And whatcha gonna do with that duct tape?' the old man asked.
'Gonna catch me some ducks.'
'You can't catch ducks with duct tape,' said the old man.
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and kept on walking.
About half an hour later, back comes Johnny with three ducks tangled in the duct tape.
Again, the old man rubbed his eyes in disbelief.
Half an hour later, Johnny was again passing the old man's porch.
'Whatcha got now, son?' asked the old codger.
'Got me some pussy willow.'
The old man said, 'Wait right there while I get my shoes!'
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| Posted by RoCkEr BaBe on 09-Aug-2005 | $1000 instant lottoLittle Johnny and his dad went shopping at the grocery store. Walking down an aisle, Johnny asked his dad if he could have a box of Lucky Charms.
His dad said," Well, Johnny, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said, "No!!"
Johnny's dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
Later, Johnny asked if he could have Spagettios.
His dad, again, said, "Can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny said,"No!!"
His dad said, "Well, there's your answer."
At the end of the shopping trip, Johnny's dad felt bad about how he had talked to Johnny, so he bought him an instant lottery ticket.
Johnny scratched the ticket and found that he won $1,000!!!
His dad said,"Hey, Johnny, you gonna share the money with your old man?"
Johnny asked,"Dad, can you touch your asshole with your dick?"
Johnny's dad said,"As a matter of fact, I can!"
Johnny said,"GOOD, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!"
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