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| Posted by Jo Stepin on 09-Aug-2005 | Spelling test"I've just had the most awful time", said the boy to his friends.
"First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave my hypodermics, and, to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy".
"Wow! How did you pull through ?", asked his friends.
"I don't know," the boy replied...continuing, "it was the toughest Spelling Test I ever had!"
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
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| Posted by Katie Earle on 11-Aug-2005 | Ya mamma is so skinnyYa mamma is so skinny that when she ate a meatball she thought she was pregnant.
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| Posted by Cornelius on 12-Aug-2005 | Bad boyOne day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words.
1st he went to his Brother and asked "Could you give me a spelling word?" His Brother answered "ShutUp" So he wrote down Shutup.
2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered "Certainly" He wrote down certinly.
3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop.
4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered "In my Little Blue Car"
The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked "Do you want to go to the principles office?" He said is second word "Certainly". In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered "Lolipop!!" Then the principal asked "What do you think your punishment should be?" The boy answered "To go in my Little Blue Car!!!!"
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| Posted by LUSHLEY on 12-Aug-2005 | Why Two Nostrils?A mother was having dinner with her two young children when her three year old daughter asked her why there were two holes in your nose.
Her four year old son quickly responded with, "So you can still breath when you pick your nose!"
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| Posted by Pimp Daddy on 09-Aug-2005 | Dr Seuss's PCDr Seuss explains computers:
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot it,
and let it go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the micro-code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to ram your ROM,
So quickly turn off your computer and go and tell your mum!
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| Posted by Mike T. Bokinskie on 09-Aug-2005 | Crowded airlinerAs the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum.
No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.
Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force Wing General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle.
Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken general leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the general slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
'Excuse me, General,' she asks quietly, 'but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?'
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides,
'I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.'
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