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| Posted by Nicholas Temos on 14-Aug-2005 | Stained UnderwearA woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties.
The next week she encloses a note to the Chinese laundryman that says, "Use more soap on panties."
This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "Use more soap on panties."
Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "Use more paper on ass."
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| Posted by Pete Makiha on 09-Aug-2005 | What is it?Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
The Artist Formerly Known as Prince won't admit that he has one.
Clinton uses his all the time.
What is it?
Answer: A LAST NAME!
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Calamjo
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| Posted by Bethany Fish on 12-Aug-2005 | ThanksgivingA boy goes into the kitchen on Thanksgiving where his mom is cutting a turkey, she cuts herself and says fuck! The boy sayes whats fuck. She says its a nother word for cutting the turkey.He says OK and goes upstairs where his dad is shaving. The dad cuts himself and says shit. The boy says whats shit. The dad says its a type of shaving cream. He says OK and leavs and goes in the living room where his brother is playing video games. He messes up and says bitch, basterd. the boy says whats bitch and basterd and his brother sayes its a name for your aunt and uncle. Just then the doorbell rings and the boy answers it and its his aunt and uncle. He says hi bitch, hi basters. The aunt says where are your parents and the boy sayes dads upstairs shaving with shit and mom is in the kitchen fucking the turkey.
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| Posted by Craig R. Irvine on 12-Aug-2005 | Questions that have Confused humankind!!Questions that have Confused humankind!!
a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, \"I think I\'ll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?\"
a.. Who was the first person to say \"See that chicken there....I\'m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it\'s butt.\"
a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
a.. If the professor on Gilligan\'s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can\'t he fix a hole in a boat?
a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don\'t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They\'re both dogs!
a.. What do you call male ballerinas?
a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn\'t he just buy dinner?
a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
a.. Isn\'t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it\'s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it\'s in your ass?
a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog\'s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can\'t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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| Posted by pookie on 14-Aug-2005 | FlattyYou're so flat that the walls are jealous!!!!!!
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| Posted by regina on 14-Aug-2005 | What Guys Think Girls Should Know1.. We're not as big of perverts as you think we all are.
2.. No matter what you say, your ex-boyfriend is an asshole.
3.. We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
4.. Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
5.. Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
6.. We know you're pretty, that's one of the reason's we're
going out with you.
7.. Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
8.. If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us
it's that time of the month and nothing more.
9.. If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that
our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
10.. We never shave our legs. Get over it.
11.. NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It's just wrong.
12.. Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will
tell us, if you don't.
13.. When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
14.. We absolutely do not care about, The Backstreet Boys,
*NSYNC, 98 degrees, or what any other guy looks like for that
matter.
15.. We may not be able to pee accurately all of the time, but
at least we can stand up and go pee.
16.. Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that
you don't have to apologize when you do something "wrong."
17.. You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it
would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like
to know that you love us.
18.. We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the
plans sometimes.
19.. Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you
might just get what you wish for.
20.. Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say."
21.. Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and
laugh when we believe you.
22.. Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like
yours better anyway.
23.. Size doesn't matter, except to idiots who don't want a
relationship
24.. PMS is not an excuse.
25.. If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you
should put it up when you're done.
26.. Don't tell us how cute your ex-boyfriend was. That doesn't
turn us on.
27.. And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his
stomach.....and maybe....oh nevermind.
28.. And last but not least: We know you're not always right,
but we'll pretend like you are anyway.
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