Star Wars Pants

• We've got to be able to get some reading on those pants, up or down.
• The pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
• I find your lack of pants disturbing.
• Many Bothans died to bring us these pants.
• These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
• Han will have those pants down. We've got to give him more time!
• General Veers, prepare your pants for a ground assault.
• I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
• TK-421... Why aren't you in your pants?
• Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.
• You are unwise to lower your pants.
• She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
• Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
• You look strong enough to pull the pants of a Gundark.
• Luke... Help me remove these pants.
• Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.
• That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!
• Luke.....I am your pants.
• A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
• Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
• Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.
• Luke, search your pants. You know it is true.
• Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister!
• Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
• Short pants is better than no pants at all.

Bumper stickers

• Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
• A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
• Horn broken, watch for finger.
• My kid had sex with your honor student.
• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
• Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
• Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
• I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
• Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
• Keep honking, I'm reloading.
• Hang up and drive.
• Lord save me from your followers.
• Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
• Ask me about micro waving cats for fun and profit.
• I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
• Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.
• If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.
• Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off.

You Know You're Having A Bad Day When....

• Your horn sticks on the freeway behind 32 Hell's Angels motorcyclists.
• You've been at work 3 hours before you notice that your fly is open or your blouse unbuttoned.
• Your twin sister forgets your birthday.
• Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles.
• You call the suicide prevention hotline and they put you on hold.
• You have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
• Everyone avoids you the morning after the company office party.
• Your income tax refund check bounces.
• It costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it.
• The bird singing outside your window is a vulture.
• You wake up and your braces are stuck together.
• Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife/husband.
• You put both contacts into the same eye.
• Your mother approves of the person you're dating.
• Your doctor tells you that you're allergic to chocolate.
• You have to borrow from your Visa card to pay your MasterCard.
• Nothing you own is actually paid for.
• Everyone loves your driver's license picture, but you think it looks awful.
• The health inspector condemns your office coffee maker.
• You invite the peeping Tom in... and he says no.
• The Gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money when she sees your future.
• People think that you're 40 and you're only 25.
• When the doctor tells you are in fine health for someone twice your age.
• You call your spouse and tell them that you'd like to eat out tonight and when you get home, your find a sandwich on the front porch.
• You start to put on the clothes that you wore home from the party last night...... and there aren't any.

Cowboy Wisdom

• If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
• Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew. Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
• When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• The best way to have a quiche for dinner is to make it up and put it in the oven to bake at 325 degrees. Meanwhile, get out a large T-bone, grill it, and when it's done, eat it. As for the quiche, continue to let it bake, but otherwise ignore it.
• There's two theories to arguin' with a woman. Neither one works.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.
• Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
• Never miss a good chance to shutup.

Bumper Stickers from Around the World

• "I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
• "Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
• "I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...."
• "If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
• "He who laughs last thinks slowest"
• "Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
• "Cover me.I'm changing lanes."
• "As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
• "The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
• "Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
• "I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
• "When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
• "Few women admit their age, Few men act it! "
• "I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
• "IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "
• "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
• "We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
• "Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
• "Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
• "Be nice to your kids.They'll choose your nursing home."
• "Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
• "I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles."
• "Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

More Confucius

• Man who keep feet firmly on the ground have trouble putting on pants.
• If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.
• Passionate kiss, like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
• He who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
• Boy who go to sleep with stiff problem wake up with solution in hand.
• Couple on seven-day honeymoon make whole week.
• Girl who sit on jockey's lap get hot tip.
• Girl who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge.
• Girl who go camping must beware of evil intent.
• Man who stand on street corner with hands in pockets, not feeling crazy -- feeling nuts.
• Squirrel who run up woman's leg not find nuts.
• He who run behind bus get exhausted.
• Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
• He who fish in other's hole often catch crabs.