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Steak 'n Eggs

There was this fried egg walking down the street in Havana

minding its own business. It hears some noise behind it,

turns around, and sees a crowd of hungry Cubans in the

distance bearing down on it.

It runs away as fast as its little fried egg legs will

go, when it sees a steak. It yells to the steak, "Run

away! Run away! They'll get you too!" but the steak just

laughs and says, "Shit, they won't even recognize me!"

5 people have rated this joke:

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	():food jokes (113): Food one-liner

Posted by Cheryl L. Harrison on 09-Aug-2005

Food one-liner

2 people have rated this joke:

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	():food jokes (113): Ten Top Ways to Annoy Your Waiter

Posted by Earl the man on 13-Aug-2005

Ten Top Ways to Annoy Your Waiter

Top ten ways to annoy your waiter
From the Late Show with David Letterman - Friday, January 13, 1995 with revisions made by John Insor.

10. Eight hour lunch, two dollar tip.

9. Ask, "Excuse me, are you a really bad singer, or a really bad actor?"

8. After he describes each special, you shout, "Garbage!"

7. Whenever he walks by, cough and mutter, "Minimum wage".

6. Every few seconds, yell, "More waffles, Cuomo!"

5. Insist that before ordering, you be allowed to touch the London broil.

4. Tie tablecloth around neck and say, "You wouldn't charge Superman for dinner, would you?"

3. Every time you eat or drink, cough really hard.

2. As he walks by to the kitchen, scream, "He's gonna spit in the chowder!"

1. Three words: eat the check.

3 people have rated this joke:

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	():food jokes (113): A great fruit cake recipe

Posted by Mike A. Harms on 13-Aug-2005

A great fruit cake recipe

You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.

Sample the whisky to check for quality.

Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.

Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you can find.

Grease the oven. Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window, check the whisky again and go to bed.

3 people have rated this joke:

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