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():nerd jokes (650): Stupid Nurse


Posted by Taija on 13-Aug-2005

Stupid Nurse

Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Nancy. 'She's incredibly mixed up,' said one doctor. 'She does everything absolutely backwards.

Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of morphine every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He damn near died on us!'

The second doctor said, 'That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tries to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy damn near exploded!'

Suddenly, they hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall. 'Oh my God!', said the first doctor, 'I just realized I told Nurse Nancy to prick Mr. Smith's boil!'


   

4 people have rated this joke:
5.75/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): After I stopped by this company's booth at...


Posted by W Wilkinson on 07-Aug-2005

After I stopped by this company's booth at...

After I stopped by this company's booth at the recent CD-ROM conference, the following letter arrived here from a major CPU manufacturer...
Dear Mr. Rubinsky: Thank you for your [company name] literature order. We are very sorry, but the following items that you have requested are currently on backorder:
        PRODUCT CODE    DESCRIPTION                             EXPECTED ARRIVAL DATE
        T217            Dear Customer Cover Letter              FOUR WEEKS

Your order will be filled at the earliest possible date. In the meantime, your patience in regard to this matter is greatly appreciated.

Please feel free to call our Literature Distribution Center at [800-number]. Our operators will be happy to help you place an order for any additional literature, or refer you to your nearest [company name] sales office to help you with any technical questions regarding our products. If you call to check the status of your order, please reference your order #[number].

Again, thank you for your order, and we hope to be of service to you in the future.

Sincerely,

[empty space here]

[company name] Literature Distribution Center



Curiously, one week earlier I received the literature I had requested -- without a cover letter.

   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): The top 6 reasons computers are female......


Posted by Sarah Northington on 07-Aug-2005

The top 6 reasons computers are female......

The top 6 reasons computers are female...

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

and the number one reason computers are female:

1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it!

   

6 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender,...


Posted by Chell Clark on 07-Aug-2005

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender,...

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): Phone Number


Posted by Leeann Katchmazenski on 12-Aug-2005
Phone Number
Ring Ring...
Hello, who is it?
Is your phone number 13498732?
No.
So, why did you pick up the phone?
   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

():nerd jokes (650): If a straight line fit is required, obtain...


Posted by Charles W. Menge on 07-Aug-2005
If a straight line fit is required, obtain...
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.
   

2 people have rated this joke:
5.50/10
     

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