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| Posted by Noppong Suwanvet on 11-Aug-2005 | Suck it in, mirror!Once there was a mirror that sucked people into it if they lied. So this brunette walked up to it and said, "I think I am the most beautiful person in the whole world . . ." and it sucked her in. Then a redhead walked up to it and said, "I think I am the most wonderful person in the whole world . . ." and it sucked her in too. Then a blonde walked up to it and said, "I think . . " and it sucked her in.
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| Posted by princess divatwo on 11-Aug-2005 | The nerdsTwo rather nerdy engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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| Posted by Lisa R. Schwarz on 11-Aug-2005 | Engineers and LawyersOn a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted "conductor's coming!", and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and knocks on the bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The Engineers slip their one and only ticket under the door. The conductor punches it an moves on to the next car.
On the return trip, the four Lawyers, impressed by the Engineers' trick, purchase only one ticket. The Engineers, however have no tickets at all!. Suddenly, one of the Engineers shouts "Conductor's coming". All four Engineers head for the bathroom, and all four lawyers crowd into the other one. Then, one of the Engineers slips out of his bathroom and knocks on the other bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The lawyers then slip their only ticket under the door, and the Engineer then picks up the ticket and joins his friends, waiting for the real conductor.
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| Posted by Kevin K. Lownds on 11-Aug-2005 | Abc'sOnce upon a time there was a kid in the 2nd grade. one day his teacher told him to say the ABC's by tomorrow, so when he got home after school he asked his dad what is the first letter of the alphebet? he said shutup so he goes to his sisters room and shes on the phone he asks whats the second letter of the alphebet? and she says uh ha uh ha uh ha. so next he goes into his brothers room whos watching Batman and asks whats the 3rd letter of the alphebet? he says dun nun nunu BATMAN! so he goes into the kitchen where his mom is cooking dinner and he asks whats the 4th letter of the alphebet? she says my buns are burning, my buns are burning! so then the next day he goes to school and his teacher asks say the alphebet and he says shut up. so she says do u want to go to the princapal's office? he says uh ha uh ha uh ha, so he is in the princapal's office and he asks who do u theink you are? then he says du nanana BATMAN! and the princapal pattals his behind, and the kids screams my buns are burning my buns are burning!
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| Posted by Aardvark on 11-Aug-2005 | Computer Problem Report Form1. Describe your problem:
__________________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
__________________________________________
3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
__________________________________________
__________________________________________
4. Problem Severity:
A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__
5. Nature of the problem:
A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Shot__
6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__
7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__
8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__
9. Have you made it worse? Yes__
10. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__
11. Are you sure you've read the manual? Yes__ No__
12. Are you absolutely certain you've read the manual? No__
13. Do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__
14. If `Yes' then why can't you fix the problem yourself?
_________________
15. How tall are you? Are you above this line? __________________
16. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
______________________________________________________
17. If `nothing' explain why you were logged in.
________________________________________________________________
18. Are you sure you aren't imagining the problem? Yes__ No__
19. How does this problem make you feel? ____________________________
20. Tell me about your childhood. ___________________________________
21. Do you have any independent witnesses of the problem? Yes__ No__
22. Can't you do something else, instead of bothering me? Yes_
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| Posted by ProudBreed on 11-Aug-2005 | Microsoft Dinner 98INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT:
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:
mstv.dinn.//08.5min@50%heat
Then enter:
ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Macintosh microwave oven, insert the dinner and press
start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix microwave oven, insert the dinner, enter the
ingredients of the dinner found on the package label, the weight of
the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The
oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the dinner exactly to
your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
dinner from the oven and enter:
ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap
This process may have to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave
and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your
oven vendor. The oven itself is obviously on the blink.
Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger
than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of
which are empty. These are for future menu items. If the tray is too
large to fit in your oven, you will need to upgrade your equipment.
Dinners are only available from registered outlets, and only the
chicken variety is currently produced. If you want another variety,
call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want
another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must
be saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
thrilled in advance.
Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the
freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature,
not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
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